Choices
by Karevsanatomy
Summary: Every choice made affects the lives of those around us. Sometimes those choices are right, and sometimes they destroy everything we hold dear. AlexIzzie, MeredithDerek, GeorgeCallie, AddisonAlex, AddisonMark
1. The Past Is Always There

Chapter One

The Past Is Always There

The building directory was constantly changing. There were a few offices that had been there for years, O'Malley-Yang Cardiothoracic Specialists being one of them. New ones were a constant though. The building manager was changing names out on a regular basis. The name he slid in today gave Cristina Yang reason to pause. Dr. Alex Karev, OB/GYN. It was odd, seeing that name. She hadn't thought of Alex in years. Not since had transferred to some hoity toity place in New York. Addison Montgomery had gone with him. Of course, she had been pregnant with his child at the time, so it hadn't been much of a suprize to see her go.

"George is going to love this," she murmurs as she walks the mere four feet to the elevator. Her black pointy toed Jimmy Choo's click on the white and gold marble floor. This building had been their first fight as partners. George had wanted some quaint little office by the waterfront. Or one of them pre-fabricated spaces the hospital offered. She had wanted to make a statement. O'Malley-Yang Cardiothoracic Specialists wasn't going to be a cookie cutter facility. They were going to make a name for themselves. To make a name, one had to give the presence of success. This building did just that. She had won that arguement the way she usually won all their arguements: threatening to spill to their patients his syph-boy story. Worked everytime.

The office was empty when she enters, except for their oh so somber receptionist. Ironically, it had been George to find Rose. The almost sixty retired nurse made the perfect addition to their little "family", as George liked to call it. She was constantly reminding him that they were employees, not family, not friends. "Is Dr. O'Malley in yet?"

Rose looks up from the paperwork she is filing. "He's in his office, I believe." Her was as efficient as her work skills. She doesn't wait for Cristina to say thank you, she knew that wouldn't be coming. She simply went back to her filing.

George was indeed in his office, sitting behind his desk, fingers steepled, deep in thought. "You seen the directory, right? That's what you're going to tell me. That you seen Karev's name on the directory." He looks up at her, his blue eyes intense.

Cristina nods, setting her brief case by the door before collapsing in one of the burgandy and navy striped wing back chairs that flanked his desk. His office had a homey feel to it. Nothing like her black and white sterile one across the hall. "Yes. Did you know?" She crosses her legs, smoothing the slim black skirt of her suit.

He shakes his head, a lock of hair falling onto his forehead. Didn't matter how old he got, he still had a boyish charm about him. Even dressed up in a $3,000 suit, sitting behind a desk that would cost most people a year's wages. "No. Not till this morning. Caught Rupert as he was changing out the directory. Guess that pediatrician couldn't hack it."

"They never do," Cristina says smoothly. She drums her french tipped finger nails on the brocade upholstry. "Why do think he came back?"

George shrugs. "Who knows. Heard him and Addison got divorced a few years ago. Maybe he got tired of being in shadow. Wants to make a name for himself." At least that was what he was hoping. When he had first seen Alex's name he had almost panicked, thinking he knew. Then, he had shaken the thought off. Alex had left long before. There was no way for him to know.

"Sure. That makes sense. Have you called her yet? Given her fair warning?" Her being Izzie. They had to warn Izzie.

"I tried. Kept getting voice mail. She's probley in surgery." He scrubs his hands down his face. This wasn't going to be easy. Telling Izzie that Alex was back. She would take it well, put on a show that she was fine, all the while breaking apart and panicking inside.

Cristina nods. Izzie had a habit of scheduling things as early as possible. "What about Meredith? Does she know?" Meredith had been the only one of them to try to keep in touch with Alex. If emails once a year was keeping in touch.

"Yeah, that's the thing I don't get. She knew. The least she could have done was warn everybody that Evil Spawn was back." He didnt' really think Alex was evil, or a spawn. He felt indiffrence where Karev was concerned.

"So, she knew then." Cristina frowns. It wasn't like Meredith to keep things from her. While she was sure Mere had had her reason's it still bothered her. Given the circumstances, they should have all known.

"Yeah. She knew. Said Alex called her last night. Their suppose to meet for lunch," he says drily. It was just lunch, he knew that. Meredith was happy being Mrs Dr. Shepherd. Her eyes never wandered. Still. Lunch with Alex. It didn't sit right with him.

Cristina shakes her head. There was nothing they could do. Aside from giving Izzie fair warning. "Try Iz again," she suggest as she stands. Smoothing her skirt down over her knees, she reaches for the brief case she had set down. George nods, reaching for the phone on his desk. She doesn't stay to find out if he was able to get through this time. She needed to call Meredith. Find out what the hell was going on.


	2. Old Friends

Chapter Two

Old Friends

It wasn't any suprize that half way to the restraunt the skies opened up and unleashed their misery. Meredith mentally curses herself for not having the foresight to carry an umbrella or wear a waterproof coat. She knew better than to trust a sunny sky in Seattle. Seattle was never sunny for long. Hence why it was named the Emerald City. A constant watering kept it lush and green. Placing a hand on her swollen abdomen, she jogs across the semi-busy street. Her feet had barely hit the curb when the red light that had allowed her to cross turned green. Past experience had taught her to get as far from the curb as possible, unless she wanted to wear muddy water, which she did not. Sure enough, a large truck sent a spray of muck flying onto the sidewalk. A man who had crossed behind her yells obscenities as he brushes sludge from his khaki pants.

"Common sense, my man, common sense," she muses to herself. It didn't take a genius to know something large and fast would send water flying in all directions. It was one of them die in the wool sort of things. Everyone knew. Except the man behind her. She ducks into the restraunt, shivering a bit. Funny, how she hadn't been cold out in the rain, but the moment she hit a warm interior, she was frozen. Scanning the room for a familiar face, she smiles when she finds it. Her grin only grows as she makes her way to the booth where Alex was seated, reading a newspaper. Pressing the paper down, she forces her face into a serious expression. "Reading the New York Times while in Seattle is just wrong."

Alex looks up, frowning. It takes him a moment, then he grins. "Meredith!" Standing, he engulfs her in a hug, mindless of his spotless attire and her damp one. "Look at you, putting the pounds, I see."

Meredith laughs, placing both hands on her stomach. "Yes. Got another two months to pack 'em on, too. I think this one is going to be a boy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. I'm carrying him up high. Which Cristina and Izzie both swear that means it's a girl, but I don't. I promised Derek a son this time, and by golly I'm going to give him a son.!" Sliding into the opposite side of the booth from where Alex had been sitting, she grimaces. "You would think they would take pregnant women in consideration when making these damn things."

Alex smiles faintly. He looked like he wanted to ask something, but then changed his mind. "How've you been? Other than toting another human being around?'

"Just peachy. I'm an attending, you know? At Seattle Grace." It had been strange at first. Taking Bailey's position when she was named Chief of Surgery. There hadn't been anyone else to fill the void, though. So, she had stepped up.

"Oh yeah? How's that going?" Alex leans back in the booth, smiling that charming dimpled grin he'd always smiled. He hadn't changed much. The only diffrence was the air of maturity around him.

"Well..you know. It's kind of hard keeping my secret intern affairs a secret, but I manage. Bailey's chief now, you know?" She had sent him an email saying as much. As with most the emails she sent him, he never responded.

"Yeah. Sorry I didn't respond. Keep busy. Work. Kylie." His voice softened a bit when saying his daughter's name.

Meredith nods. The one constant in his emails was Kylie. There had been pictures attached a couple times. Pretty girl with long strawberry blong hair and large blue eyes. It was hard to say who she looked like. Meredith didn't see Alex or Addison. Derek had one time made the remark that she looked bit like Mark's mother. Which was ridiculous, because Kylie was Alex's daughter. "So, how's she taking it? You moving out here?" It hadn't been an easy choice, she knew that from his email. He just couldn't take being in the same town, the same state, as Addison. Their divorce had not gone smoothly. Alex had admitted to having at least one affair. A co-worker. He wasn't proud of that, he had just wanted to feel like he mattered to someone. Someone who didn't act as though he was their personal puppet.

"Not to happy about it. I just...couldn't stay, you know?" Alex sighs, taking a sip of his coffee. "She's sick, Mere."

"Who? Kylie?" She frowns. She had known there was a reason for this lunch. "By sick, you mean sore throat, achy head, right?"

"I wish. She's got ALL," Alex stares at something behind her. No. Not something, nothing. He was lost in thought. About Kylie, no doubt.

"I'm sorry. How long have you known?" Meredith lays a hand on her stomach. She couldn't imagine what he was going through. Whenever her two year old daughter, Eva so much as coughed she worried. To find out she had leukemia, even if it was acute lymphocytic, she couldn't grasp how terrorifying that had to be. Yes, the cure rate was high. Upwards of 90 with medication. Still, it was scary.

"For a while. We've been through everything. Chemo. Even went the bone marrow route. Some fancy thing where they reuse her own marrow. Shit, I'm a doctor," he laughs. "I should know what it's called. I do know what it's called. Just isn't coming to me right now."

Meredith reaches across the table. She takes a hold of his hand. "I'm sorry. I know that doesn't mean much. It wouldn't mean much to me if..if I was in your shoes. Are...are they saying you're out of options?" It sucked. It sucked beyond all reason that Kylie had to be in that 10 who didn't respond to treatment the way she should.

"Aside from suggesting Addison and I have another child for the sole purpose of donating their marrow to Kylie, not really. I couldnt' stay, Mer. I know that makes me a coward, but I just...I couldn't stay there and watch my little girl die." His voice was thick, his eyes blurry with unshed tears.

Biting her lip, Meredith looks at their intwined hands. "Do...do they think a sibling would help?" Her heart was pounding. This wasn't her place. This wasn't her decision. Yet, she couldn't sit here, knowing what she knew, and not say something.

"Yeah, but...I can't do it Mere. I can't bring another child into this world just...just because...you know? And I sure as hell don't want another reason for Addison to bitch at me." There was a resigned tone to his voice. As though he had given hope.

Meredith took a deep breath. "Oh God, forgive me," she whisphers. "Alex, I think you need to talk to Izzie."

Alex let's out a rueful laugh. "Unless Izzie's a miracle worker, I don't think we would have much to say to each other. We didn't exactly part on amicable terms."

This wasn't her place. She hated being in the position she was in. The position where she had to pick a side. taking a deep breath, she looks at Alex, her eyes full of anguish. "When..when you left Seattle, Izzie...Izzie was pregnant. She was four months pregnant. And...I think...no...I know...I know that her daughter belongs to you."


	3. Sucker Punched

Chapter Three

Sucker Punched

The house was exactly where Meredith said it would be. It was one of them Leave it to Beaver kind of neighborhoods, where the lawns were perfectly cut and kids played outside. There was a bunch of little girls near the house Meredith said was Izzie's. Slowing his car down, Alex tries to catch his breath. He had replayed the night he had told Izzie that Addison was pregnant and they were getting married. She had told him she had something she needed to tell him, something important. He had cut her off, thinking she was about to tell him she had changed her mind, that she wanted to pick up where they had left off before Denny came in the picture. At the time, he had thought he was doing her a favor, saving her the humilation of hearing he had to choose Addison. What a fool he had been. He should have heard her out. He had no doubt that Izzie had been about to tell him about Lexie. His mouth lifts up a bit at the corners. Alexa Marie Stevens. Meredith had said Izzie had named her Alexa for him, so she would have some part of her father's name.

Sitting in the car, gripping the steering wheel, he stares out a the group of girls. All of them were the right age. He ruled out the tall thin girl with coffee colored skin and large chocolate colored eyes. That left a short, almost pudgy girl with frizzy red hair and glasses, a petite girl with almost white blond hair pulled up in pig tails, and a slender girl with long honey colored hair and golden colored skin. The red haired girl was ruled out when an older version of her yelled that it was time for dinner and mom said to come now, no buts.

The door to the white two story that belonged to Izzie opens. A potbellied daushound wanders out first. Followed by a familar blonde. She hadn't changed, really. Her hair was still golden blonde, pulled back in a loose ponytail, she still smiled that sweet, girl next door smile. After almost ten years, he had thought he would be over her by now, but she still had the ability to bring him to his knees, to leave him feeling as though someone had sucker punched him.

Izzie loops the red leash on one wrist, and adjusts an iPod with the other. He can hear her call the name Lexie, along with Megan. The tiny blond and the golden skinned girl both tell the other girl bye and run to meet Izzie. It was hard to tell which girl was her's, she was fawning over them both. It wasn't until she rubbed the paler child and told her that her mother was home that he knew. What little air he had left when he sees Izzie wrap an arm around the waist of her daughter, tugging the long honey colored ponytail. Their daughter, he corrects silently.

The girl says something to her mother, getting a laugh and nod. She takes the leash, bending to scratch the rusty red head of the dog. The dog could barely walk, his stomach dragging the ground. They were a block away when he worked up the courage to park his car. Two blocks away when he had the nerve to get out.

Standing on the side walk in front of their house, Alex stuffs his hands in the pockets of his jeans. He had every right to go up to Izzie, to demand an explanation. Except she would be there. Lexie. And she didn't deserve that. He had no clue what Izzie had told her, if she had told her anything. He needed a game plan. He had made the decision to walk back to his car, to drive to his nearly empty apartment, then call. He didn't quite make it. Instead, the dog he thought incapable of moving very fast was barreling down the side walk full speed. Lexie and Izzie were right behind him. Muddy feet jump up on his legs, large doe brown eyes stare up at him.

"I am so sorry..." Izzie's voice trails off as she recognizes him. Her face grows pale under normally golden skin. Taking ahold of the leash, she hands it to Lexie. "Go inside sweetie, mommy needs to talk...just go inside. Please. Wash Button's feet off in the garage, if you don't mind."

Lexie frowns, looking from her mother to Alex. "Do you him?"

Izzie nods. "Um..yeah. He's a...an old friend. From Seattle Grace." The explanation seemed to satisfy Lexie. She flashes Alex a grin so similar to his own, then bends to heave Button's into her arms. The pair struggle toward the garage, the little girl giggling as the dog licks her face. "I figured you would show up. Just thought I would have a bit more time. Or that you would call first."

It wasn't exactly what he had been expecting. In fact, it was nothing like he had expected. Then it dawns on him. She knew that he knew. "Meredith?" She nods, crossing her arms. She darts a glance to the now open garage. Lexie was wrestling the daushound to the ground, trying to spray the mud from his feet. "Did she tell you why she told me?"


	4. The Right Thing?

Chapter Four

The right thing?

The silence that greeted him when he enters the front door of the house gives Derek a moments pause. There were days the silence was normal. Meredith would be off running some errand or another, taking Eva with her. Today wasn't one of them days. The dark SUV she drove sat in the drive, and Eva's diaper bag sat at the bottom of the stairs, both signs that his wife and daughter were home. Which made the silence rather eerie. Hanging his jacket on the coat tree to his left, Derek sighs. Most likely, Eva had decided to crash after an over active day and Meredith was enjoying a nap herself.

"Meredith," he calls softly, not wanting to wake her if she was sleeping. A quick perusal of the bottom floor led him to finding her on the back deck. He could see her through the large windows that faced the lake. There was a light blue throw draped around her shoulders. Shoulders that were drooping. Opening the french doors that lead outside, he calls her name again. This time she looks over her shoulder at him. He frowns. Her cheeks were damp with tears. "Are you alright? Eva? The baby?" His heart pounding, he kneels next to her.

"No. Eva's fine. And...I'm fine. I think. I don't know." With shaking hands, she wipes at her cheeks. No sooner had she cleared the last trace of tears when a new batch started. "I did something Derek. Something I...maybe..shouldn't have done."

Using the pad of his thumb, he wipes a tear drop from her trembling chin. "What did you do? Whatever it is, I'm sure it isn't worth beating yourself up over." He had grown use to her emotional outbursts. From day one of her pregnancy, she had been like an emotional rollercoaster. Happy and laughing one minute, crying buckets the next. Until he knew for sure what had brought her round of tears on, he wasn't going to panic or become upset.

"No. I do. I do need to beat myself up over this, because I should have just kept my mouth shut. I should have just called Izzie...told her the situation..and...and let her decide. But...no...I had to open my big mouth. And now..." She trails off as she bursts into a sob. She hated being so emotional. Oh, she knew it couldn't be helped. Pregnant or not, she would have felt horrible for what she had done. The extra hormones made things worse, though. She was a sopping mess of emotions.

"And now," he prompts. Derek had learned long ago that it was just best to let Meredith get her rambling done before asking questions.

"And now Alex is over there. I told Alex about Lexie." Meredith looks at him, her blue-grey eyes full of torment.

Derek is taken aback for a moment. The secret of Lexie Stevens had been well gaurded by them all for the last nine years. There wasn't a single one of them that didn't have emotions invested in the girl. Whatever had driven Meredith to tell Alex, it had to be big. She wouldn't just tell him. Not without reason. "Okay," he says slowly. "Do you want to tell me why?"

Shoulders hunching over even more, she buries her face in her hands, sobbing. It takes her a moment to compose herself. "When Izzie was pregnant, I use to wish all these horrible things on Addison and her...spawn. Which is extremely childish, I know. I didn't mean it though. I didn't mean any of the bad Karma I sent her way...Kylie's, not Addison's."

Wrinkling his forehead, Derek brushes a lock of hair from her face. It was sticky with tears. "Is that why you told Alex? Because you had some misplaced guilt for wish Addison and Kylie ill-will?" It made no sense. He himself was guilty of wishing Addison ill will. The woman had turned Mark into an even bigger ass than he had been. She had taken a father from Lexie. Hell, he was even willing to go as far as to say she had taken the love of Izzie's life from her. He could still remember the day Lexie had been born. Izzie had sat there, holding that beautiful little baby, sobbing. She had sat there crying, telling that tiny baby how sorry she was. When he had asked Meredith what Izzie had to be sorry for, Meredith had told him Izzie was sorry for not realizing she loved Alex sooner. Maybe if she had, he wouldn't have turned to Addison.

"No. Kylie's sick, Derek. She...she has cancer. And...when Alex was sitting there...telling me they were out of options...that..that the doctors thought her best chance was a sibling.." her voice cracks. She sniffles a bit, letting out a shaky breath. "He..he said he couldn't see having another child with Addison. Not when it's soul purpose was saving Kylie. He...he said he didn't want another reason to have Addison in his life. He moved here because he didn't want to watch his daughter die, Derek. I couldn't just...not say anything. I had to say something. Right?"

Sighing, Derek stands, pulling Meredith to her feet. He takes her place in the chair, then gently settles her on his lap. He wraps his arms around her much the way he would have Eva. He kisses her forehead, making soft murmuring sounds. Nothing he had to say would matter. Knowing she was loved, that was what mattered. He could do that. He could make her feel loved. For good measure, though, he murmurs in her ear, "Yes. You did the right thing."


	5. Confrontation

Chapter Five

Confrontation

From the moment the pregnancy test had read positive, Izzie had known this day would come. Shortly after Lexie's birth, she had thought about calling him. Telling him about their beautiful daughter. Then Meredith had gotten the first email. It had been short. Just a quick note to announce the birth of one Kylie Elaina Karev. There had been a picture attached. One that had shown Alex and Addison holding their tiny daugher with her spiky reddish blond hair. She couldn't call, not after seeing that photo. She couldn't destroy what looked to be a happy family. So, she had made the choice to wait. She would wait until her daughter asked about the father who wasn't there. It had come when Lexie was four. If she had noticed that her friends had fathers, she never said. Not until the end of preschool. Izzie could still remember that sweet faced little girl looking up at her, from eyes so like her father's, and asking where her daddy was, because she had a card for him. They had made Father's Day cards at school, and she needed to give her's to her father. It had been all Izzie could do not to cry. Instead, she had taken the card from Lexie, wrote a five page letter to Alex, telling him about their daughter, begging him to forgive her, and mailed it in care of the hospital where him and Addison worked. The letter was returned two weeks later. If it had just been returned, it wouldn't have mattered as much. Except, it wasn't just returned. It had a rather nasty note scribbled on the back from Addison telling her to stay out of their lives. She had taken the unopened letter and stuck it in a box. The box was full of father's day cards and what nots that Lexie had made over the years, always trusting that her mother was getting them to her father.

Looking over at her daughter, she smiles faintly. She couldn't help it. No matter how ugly a situation was, one look at her daughter and the world was made right once again. Lexie smiles back at her, dimples indenting either cheek. Funny, she had never noticed how much Lexie looked like Alex until now. She had never had the guts to take their pictures and lay them side by side. She looks back at Alex, the faint grin fading. The question he had asked was logical. "She told me. I'm sorry. I...I can't imagine what Addison and you are going through."

Alex nods, his face growing more somber. There were a million questions running through his mind. That much was obvious. "I need to know if Lexie is a donor match for Kylie."

Izzie tried not to be angry. He had raised Kylie. From the moment she had breathed her first breath until now, he had been there. Loving her, teaching her things. It was natural that she would be his first concern, but dammit what about Lexie? Wasn't he the least bit curious about her? Or was she just some useful commodity to save his other daughter? "Did you think I would say no?" That hurt almost as much as him not asking about Lexie.

"I don't know what think Izzie," he says softly, looking toward the garage. Both child and dog were soaking wet. Bell-like giggles echoed through the air.

"I know. And...I'm sorry. I truly am sorry Alex." God she was sorry. More than he would ever know. It had been three weeks before her due date that she had realized she loved him. Realizing that had almost driven her over the edge. If it hadn't been Meredith and Cristina, Callie as well, she would sunk into a depression. Callie had been the one to make her realize that she couldn't think about herself anymore. She had to think about her child. She was no longer just Izzie. She was a mother. And mother's put their own feelings aside to do what is best for their child. She could almost hear Callie saying the words again. "I should have told you that night. Regardless of how upset I was about Addison...I should have told you. I was going to tell you. I was...you...if you don't believe another word I say, at least believe that."

"Yeah. I know. I put two and two together. After Meredith told me." Alex shifts around, looking at the damp ground. It was partially wet from the rain earlier, and partially from the running water hose.

"I just...I didn't know what to do. When you told me about Addison...I..I didn't know what to do. So, I said nothing. I didn't want to put you in the position to have to choose. So, right or wrong, I made the choice for you. And...I'm sorry. I am." She couldn't say it enough. She was sorry. Not that her apologies amounted to much.

"Stop it!" They both turn when they hear Lexie screaming. She was on the garage floor, covering her face with her hands while Button jumped on her. She loved the dog. Had loved him from the time she had unwrapped the box he was in on her third birthday. It was when he jumped and got in her face that she became upset.

"Buttons!" Izzie snaps. The daushound looks up at her, then lowers his head. He slinks off to a dark corner of the garage. To pout no doubt. He knew better. She starts up the drive, Lexie meeting her half way. "Go inside. Get some dry clothes on. Make sure you put the wet ones in the washer, not on the floor." Kissing the smooth forehead, she gives Lexie a gentle push toward the door that led to the kitchen, via a washroom.

"Do I know him?" Lexie was staring back down the drive, where Alex stood waiting.

"No. He's a friend. From my past. Seattle Grace." As usual, Lexie trusted what she was saying. Watching as her daughter slams into the house, she lets out a sigh of disgust. She should have just told her. She should have worked the courage up to tell her that Alex was her father. Except, then Lexie would get her hopes up. She would ask him about the cards she had made him, cards that were in a box under her mother's bed.

"Is that what I'm always going to be? A friend from your past?"

She jumps. She hadn't seen him come into the garage. "What am I suppose to tell her, Alex?" There. The ball was in his court. 'Please God,' she prays silently, 'let him want to be a father to her. Let him want to get to know her. She needs him.'

"I don't know, Iz." It was all she could do not to turn on him and scream. Didn't he even care? No. He probley didn't. He was just so wrapped up in Addison and her daughter, that he didn't care. Her eyes burn a bit. She wouldn't cry, though. Not in front him. She would wait until she was in the shower. That was the one place she knew she could cry without worry that Lexie would see and get upset.

"Then we stick with you're an old friend," she says tensely. She blinks a bit. Before she could stop it one tear slips down her cheek. It slowly wound down, pausing on her jaw before dripping onto her shoulder. She bites her lip, trying to keep from saying things she shouldn't. The anger of being a single mother for nine years was welling up inside her. "Don't you care? Don't you care one bit about her? Or...what? She's just..just...something else to use to save Kylie? She's your daughter Alex. Your flesh and blood. And you don't care. You just...you don't care, do you?" Did she even want the answer to that? Probley not. It was better to know, though.

"Is that what you think? That I don't care? What am I suppose to do, Iz? _You _kept her from me." He stops his jaw tightening.

"I didn't keep her from you! I wanted to tell you! I was going to tell you. You just did't give me the chance. You were to busy telling me all about your upcoming marriage to Addison. And...the child you were going to have together. When...during that little speech...was I suppose to say what about my baby...our baby? When was I suppose to say something? I wanted to. I wanted to tell you...but..I just couldn't." The tears she had been fighting burst loose. They stream down her cheeks. "Then, when she was born...I tried to...I was going to call...but..everytime I picked up the phone I couldn't dial the number...because...I didn't know how I was suppose to tell you. When I finally got the courage up to...to call, Meredith forwarded Kylie's birth announcement. And...I couldn't...couldn't bear the thought of destroying that baby's perfect world." She wipes at her cheeks. She couldn't explain how good it felt to just say all the things that had been bottled up inside.

"You should have done it. For Lexie. You should have picked up the fucking phone and called!" He was fighting not yell. She knew him well enough to know that. Some things never changed. "Don't you think Lexie needed her father, too?"

"You think I don't know that! I know that better than anyone Alex! I'm the one who has to lie to her child. Me. Not you! Stupid fucking cards. Every damn year. Every year they make those stupid ass father's day cards...and...she gives it to me. To mail to you. She thinks I mail them to her father. To you. I tried that once, you know? The first one. I felt so sick that she didn't have a daddy to give that card to. So I sucked it up, wrote you a letter...telling you about her...put the card in there...along with a bunch of pictures. Got it back three weeks later with a nice note from Addison to leave you alone. I tried...and I know that she needed...neeeds you!" Her body was shaking. A weight was lifted, though. The weight of keeping it all inside.

The blood had drained from his face, leaving him a sickly yellowish color. His adam apple bobs up and down as he swallows. "You...you sent me a letter?" She nods, crossing her arms. It had grown a bit chilly. There was a crisp breeze that hadn't been there before. A sure sign that summer would be ending soon. "Was it open? When you got it back?"

Izzie shakes her head. "No. It wasn't open. Addison just wrote return to sender on the front of it. Then her little note on the back. She didn't know about Lexie, if that's what you're thinking. If she had...she would have contacted me. About Kylie. And the...the testing. She would have done what you're doing now. Used my child to help her's."

He stares at her, making her shift around uncomfortably. She had thought she had buried her feelings for him a long time ago. Apparrently she hadn't, because they were rearing their ugly head. "I didn't come just because of Kylie, Iz," he says in a husky tone. For the first time, she notices the hurt in his eyes. "I love Kylie. She's my baby. Despite everything Addison and I have been through...despite what we did to each other...Kylie was right. When she first got sick, I was the kind of dad doctors hate. The one who showed up at the appointments with suggestions. Tried every last one of them too. None of them worked. Tried chemo. Watched her swell up. Watched her lose all her hair. Didn't do a bit of good. Slowed it down a bit, but didn't fix anything. Her last appointment, doctor suggested a sibling donor. Addison was all over that one. Wanted to run right down to the nearest fertility clinic. She knew better than to suggest having one the old fashioned way. I couldn't do it. Not even to save Kylie. I couldn't stomach the thought of bringing a child into this world just because their bone marrow _might _save their sister's life. Addison called me every name in the book. Said I was a sorry excuse for a father. That was always her favorite. I was a sorry ass father. I wasn't, though, Iz. Every dance recital, every school award, I was there. I might have sucked in the husband department, but I was a good father!" He pauses, running a hand over his chin. " I couldn't stay. I couldn't stay and watch her die."

Izzie's heart breaks a bit. She didn't know what to say, so she said nothing at all.

"When Meredith told me about Lexie, my first thought was about whether or not she could help Kylie. I'll admit that. You can't blame me for that, Iz. You can't blame me for wanting to save my child." He was pleading now. Needing her to understand. She did. To a point she understood.

"I don't blame you Alex. And...if Lexie matches...I'm not going to say she can't help. That you can't use her to help Kylie. But...what about her? What about Lexie? Where does she fit in your life? Or doesn't she?" It was a lot to lay on him. Asking him where the daughter he had known about less than an hour would fit into his life. She had to know though, for Lexie's sake.

It seemes like an eternity before Alex answered her. "She's my daughter, too. I'm not going to just walk away. I can't. I wouldn't have...if I had known...I can't just walk away."


	6. Worry Wart

Chapter Six

Worry Wart

Four surgeries. Thirteen scheduled consultations. Two emergencies. One phone call from his oldest son's principal concerning a frog in the teacher's coffee cup. Four phone calls from Callie reminding him she was oncall and not to forget that he had to pick the kids up from daycare. None of it had fully distracted him from the situation Izzie was facing. It had been Cristina to spill the news. Meredith had told Alex about Lexie. George's first reaction had been anger. Anger at Meredith for opening her mouth. Anger at Alex for showing back up after all this time. The anger had been short lived. Much as he disliked Karev, he wouldn't wish a sick child on anyone.

"Rose, unless you tell me I have some patients I forgot about, I'm calling it quits for the day." George pauses next to the receptionists desk. There were several people lingering in the waiting area. Most likely they belonged to Cristina. One of her surgeries had taken longer than expected, resulting in backed up appointments. In typical Cristina fashion, she had refused his offer of help.

"Callie called. She says to remind you that you need to pick the children up from daycare. Please don't forget them this time, as it upsets Garret very much. She also said to remind you that Jordan has soccer practice at six, and Shelby has piano at six-thirty. You will need to drop Jordan off at the field, but don't leave without being sure someone else is there. Then take Shelby to her lesson." Rose hands him the sticky note the message had been written on. "She also said not to take them out to eat. It won't kill you to cook."

"Yeah. Thanks Rose," he crumbles the note up, stuffing it in his pocket. One time. He had forgotten to pick the children up one time. Callie had never let him forget it. There were times he was tempted to call her and remind her to pick them up, just to show her how annoying it really was. "Let Dr. Yang know I've left for day."

"Will do, Dr. O'Malley," she says not looking up from her typing. Always doing something, he muses as he adjusts his leather satchel. Using the back elevator reserved for business owners, he leans against the wall, sighing. Taking his cell phone from his pocket, he dials a familiar number. Four rings before going to voice mail. "Iz. It's George. Again. Please call me back. Let me know you're okay." He hangs up, sighing again. He starts to shove the phone back into his pocket, then changed his mind. Unlike Izzie, Callie answered on the second ring. "I'm not going to forget to pick the kids up." he grins when she teases him about the one time he had. "Hey, define cooking." He listens as she rambles off several easy choices for him to make for dinner. Macaroni and hot dogs, the one thing he was a master at making, wasn't on the list. They chat a few moments longer, teasing each other about who loved who more. The tone turned serious when he finally worked up the courage to tell her about Alex. He holds the phone from his ear while she rants about what sorry bastard she thought Karev was. It took him four tries to tell her what was going on. "I'm worried Cal. Iz isn't answering her phone. I haven't been able to get ahold of her all day." He resists the urge to roll his eyes as Callie went into her worry less about Izzie's life and more about his own lecture. He knew that. He knew that Izzie didn't need him worrying about her or Lexie. It wasn't something he could help. Callie knew this. She only lectured because Izzie had bitched about him interferring one to many times. Izzie could bitch. Callie could lecture. George would worry. That was just the way it was.


	7. Grateful Anger

Chapter Seven

Grateful Anger

One of the hardest lessons a doctor must learn when they are a parent is they can't help their child. It doesn't matter how many other children they save, when it comes to their own, they are defenseless. Addison had learned that the hard way. When the doctors had first diagnosed Kylie, she hadn't wanted to believe them. The signs had been there. The chronic anemia. The pinpoint bruises. It had been Alex that suggested she had ALL. God, that fight had been the worse. She had said some horrible things to him over the course of their marriage, but nothing topped the things she had said to him that night. Without coming out and saying it, she had accused him of wanting Kylie sick, of him wanting her to have something horrible and die, because then they would have no connection. Their divorce had already been underway at that point. Karma had bitten her in the ass. Nothing like coming home and finding her husband fucking his nurse in their bed.

Sighing, she shakes her head. No point in rehashing the mistake that had been her second marriage. The only decent thing that had come from her relationship with Alex had been Kylie. She smiles, leaning against the door frame of Kylie's room. Her daughter sat in the middle of her bed, coloring. "What are you coloring?"

Kylie looks up, her large blue eyes widening a bit. It was clear that her mother had startled her. "Coloring a picture. For daddy. So he doesn't forget me." She holds up the coloring book. An orange kitten playing with a ball of green yarn. It was mostly colored. All that lacked was a small portion of the kitten. "It looks like Mr. Whiskers." She smiles in remembrance of the cat who had passed a mere four months ago. He had been Alex's cat, really. There had just been no point in seperating Kylie and the large orange feline. They had adored each other.

"Yes. It does. I'm sure daddy's going to love it." Addison fights to keep the tremble from her voice. It was partially from fear of losing her only child, partially anger from the conversation she had just had with Alex. "Speaking of Daddy, I thought we might go see him."

Kylie's face brighten's. "Really? We'd go to...where does daddy live again?" Her pale forehead wrinkles up.

"Seatlle," Addison answers. She hadn't been to, or thought of, Seattle in so long. Now, it seemed that Seattle had held the key to her daughter's life the whole time. The key being one Alexa Stevens. Red hot anger courses through her, just thinking about Alex having another child. A healthy child. One who belonged to his precious Izzie. If anyone was to blame for the disaster her marriage had been, it was Izzie. It never failed, at least once a week, before things got bad, Alex would call her Izzie while they were making love. At first he had tried to cover it up, saying he had said Addie, she had just heard wrong. During one of the nastier fights, he had admitted to it. He had nailed the point home by saying the reason he couldn't love her was because he had never stopped loving Izzie. She had responded by throwing Mark in his face, by saying the only way she could stomach sleeping with him was if she pretended he was Mark.

"Right. Seattle. Where you met." Kylie smiles brighter, proud to remember something from her parents past that didn't include hurtful words. "You guys aren't going to fight, are you? I don't want to go if you're going to fight."

"No, baby. No fighting. Just a nice visit with daddy." As well as the siste you've never met, she adds silently. She wasn't holding her breath where this girl was concerned. The only proof Alex had of the child's paternity was Izzie's say so. She wanted that girl to belong to Alex, though. She needed Alexa Stevens to belong to Alex and to be a perfect match. "They have sea lions there, you know?"

"Really? Real sea lions? Like the ones at the zoo?" The Bronx Zoo was a favorite. They went every weekend. Addison knew the place by heart. It was a bit tiresome, going all the time. It didn't matter, though. Anything to make Kylie smile.

"Yes. Just like the ones at the zoo. Only, these ones aren't in a cage." Addison pushes some of her thick red hair off her face, smiling as Kylie laughs and jumps off her bed. Arms wrap around her waiste, squeezing. She engulfs her child in her warm embrace, fighting hard not to cry.


	8. Questions

Chapter Eight

Questions

An old friend from Seattle Grace.

That was what he had remained. It wasn't how Alex wanted things to be, but right now there really wasn't much choice. Izzie wanted Lexie to get to know him. Then, once they were comfortable around each other, had developed a relationship, so to speak, they would tell her, together. The relationship was coming, slowly. He had been to every soccer practice, a rather painful piano recital,and some welcome back to school social. The first few soccer practices, Lexie had looked at him oddly. He later overheard her asking Izzie why he was there. Izzie had smoothed it over saying they were old friends, he was there to keep her company while Lexie practiced. Gradually, she just accepted that "the old friend" was going to be there and started talking to him a bit more. It was after her last actual game that she first hugged him. She had scored the winning goal, and he had been proud of her. He had told her as much. She had flung her arms around him, saying he was the best daddy ever, and wasn't his little girl lucky to have him? It had taken him a moment to realize she was talking about Kylie. Kylie was Izzie's other excuse for him being around. He missed his daughter, she had told Lexie, and hanging around them made him miss her less.

"You like my mom, don't you?"

Alex blinks, looking down at the face he had come to love so much so quickly. A cross between him and Izzie. All their best features rolled into one. She would be a heartbreaker when she got older, he thought. "Yes. I do. I like your mom very much."

Lexie nods, her honey colored hair bouncing around her shoulders. Her hazel eyes narrow slightly. "I think she likes you, too." One slender index finger reaches up to twist a curl. She seemed to be thinking on that. Alex liking Izzie. Izzie liking Alex. "I like you. You're nice. And, if I didn't have a dad, I think you would make a good one."

His heart skips a beat. He wanted to tell her. To just wrap his arms around her and tell her that he _was_ her father. He wouldn't though. Whether he liked it or not, Izzie was right. They had to go about this cautiously, otherwise she would end up resenting them both. "Thank you. That means a lot. More than you know," he says huskily. His hands itched to hold her. He had missed so much. Izzie had given him the box from under the bed. It had been full of hand-made father's day cards. Little crafty "giftts" and crayon drawings. As much as all those had meant, it had been the letter from Izzie that had torn his heart in two. She had poured all the love a mother has for a child into those pages. His gut had twisted with anger when he had seen Addison's familar script on the back. _"You are a part of Alex's past he doesn't care to remember. At least respect him enough to stay out of his life. You are not welcome." _Hateful lies. Born out of Addison's jealousy.

"She loves my dad, though. And, one day, he's going to come back." Lexie said it so matter of factly. He wasn't sure if it was little girl wishes or something she knew to be a fact. Although, he couldn't see Izzie confessing to a child that she was still madly in with the man who had left her to marry another woman who was also pregnant with his child. Most likely Izzie had told Lexie that she would always love her father, a mother soothing a child with questions. "She didn't tell me that. I heard her and Aunt Meredith talking once. 'Bout how she loved my dad, but it was too late, cause he was already gone. I'm not sure where he went, but my mom knows. She sends him things for me. And I know one day he's gonna come back. That's why I try to be really good. So he'll come back. That's why Megan's dad left, you know? Cause she wasn't good. Her mom tells her that isn't true, but Megan says she knows better."

He couldn't move, talk, breath, nothing. His heart broke. For Lexie, who thought if she was good enough he would come back. For sweet little Megan across the street, who thought her father had left because of her. For Izzie, who had raised the amazing little girl sitting on the swing next to him. "Megan's dad didn't leave because she wasn't good. Sometimes, mommy's and daddy's just can't get along. It has nothing to do with the child." For the first time, he wonders if that was what Kylie thought. That she was the reason him and Addison had divorced. God, he hoped not.

"Is that why my dad left? Him and mommy couldn't get along? Cause, mommy loved him. I heard her tell Aunt Meredith that." Lexie's lower lip trembled a bit. There was the threat of tears in eyes that were mirror images of his own.

"I...your dad loved your mom. Very much. He didn't know that she loved him, though." It was a fine line he was walking. One that would bring Izzie's wrath upon him, no doubt. He just couldn't say nothing though.

"You know my dad?" Her face brightens. So eager to know her father. He wondered if Izzie had any clue how much Lexie had been missing him. Something told him she did.

"Uh. Yeah. I know your dad. Really well." _I am your dad_, he wanted to say. He couldn't though. Izzie and him had a deal. A deal that he was really starting to question. Lexie was his child, too. He should have some say in how this all played out. Except, he didn't know her, and Izzie did.

"Does he love me?" It was asked softly, with eyes pleading for an answer. A slight movement behind her draws his attention. Izzie. She looked beautiful, even in a pair of faded and ripped denim jeans that clung to her every curve and a long sleeved t-shirt with Lexie's soccer team emblazzed across the front.

"Yeah. Your dad loves you," he anwswer, almost as softly. The words were for Lexie, but his eyes were on Izzie.


	9. Soul Meets Body

Chapter Nine

Soul Meets Body

It was time. Izzie knew that. They needed to tell Lexie. She hadn't meant to eavesdrop on the conversation. It had just sort of happened. She had looked at the clock, realized it was almost time for dinner, and went to ask if they were game for pizza. They. She had gotten into the habit of including Alex. Perhaps that was why she had put telling Lexie off. As long as the girl was in the dark about Alex being her father, Izzie had an excuse for them to all three be together. Almost like a family. She had to be careful, thinking that way. Alex came around for one reason, and one reason only: Lexie.

Closing the door to "the reason's" room, she lets out a sigh. Alex would be gone when she went back downstairs. He usually was. Why would he stay? He had spent time with Lexie, had gotten to say his good-nights, there was no reason for him to stay. She stops short of the living room. He was still there, sitting on the couch, a glass of wine cupped in his hand. There was a thoughtful look on his face. No doubt he was thinking about Kylie. Addison was flying in tomorrow with the girl. "You look deep in thought," she muses walking into the dimly lit room. The only light came from the fire roaring in the fireplace. It wasn't quite cold enough for one, but Lexie had thought it would be great one to roast marshmellows, and Alex had agreed. How they could stomach eating the charred gooey mess she didn't know.

Alex nods, taking a sip of his wine. His eyes follow her as she settles in the chair adjacent to the couch. Self-consciously, she reaches for her half drank goblet of wine. Red. It had gone well with the pizza they'd had delivered. "Hm. Yeah. I suppose I am."

"I think you should tell her. I know we talked about the two of us telling her, but..I think it would mean more if you told her." Izzie takes a large gulp of wine, grimacing a bit as it gets stuck on the lump in her throat. "Unless you want me to her. I can." She sounded like a rambling idiot. It was just odd. With the exception of the garage conversation, and some whisphered decisions during soccer practices, they hadn't been alone.

"I can tell her. Or, we can tell her together." His voice sounded destracted. Actually, he looked destracted. The way he kept swirling his glass of wine, the way his left knee bounced slightly. "Did you love me?"

Blinking, Izzie stares at him, taking another sip of her wine. Her stomach was twisting in a million knots. Part of her wanted to ask why would he ask something like that, but she knew the answer. Lexie. Lexie and her little girl dream of mommy and daddy being together. Plus, her overhearing that drunken, tear filled conversation with Meredith a few months ago hadn't helped. She debates on what to tell him, then decides she owed him the truth. There had been enough lies. "Yes. Yes I did." For lack of something to do, she takes another sip, only to find the goblet empty. She reaches for the bottle on the coffee table the same moment Alex did. Their hands only brushed momentarily, but the shock lingered. She holds the glass steady, letting him pour the blood colored drink.

"Did? Or do?" He sets the bottle back onto the mahogany table, his gaze never leaving her's.

" You're Lexie's father. So, yes, I am always going to love you. You gave me my daughter." It was a half ass answer, and not what he was asking. It was the only one she could give, though. If she admitted that she had always loved him, and had fallen back in love with him over the past three weeks, it would give him the power to hurt her. She couldn't afford to be hurt. Not when she had a child that depended on her.

"That isn't what I was asking. You know that." He says softly. Their eyes meet, before she looks away, watching the fire dance. "Do you love me? Me. Alex. Not Lexie's father."

Dammit. This wasn't fair. It was hard not to cry. If she told him the truth on this, it would make things ackward. There would be no more of the semi-easy commradship they had developed where Lexie was concerned. "Iz." She looks up, sucking in her breath when she realized he was right there, sitting on the edge of the ottoman that sat in front of her chair.

"What do you want me to say? That I realized what a stupid idiot I was after you were gone? That I sat up at night, crying, just thinking about the perfect little family you and Addison were building? That everytime I looked at our daughter, I saw you and it made me love you more? Is that what you want to hear? Fine. I did. I did all those things. Hell, I still do!" The words came out before she could stop them. "Oh, God! I-" He cuts her apology off with a kiss. His strong hands cup her face, the fingers buried in her hair. Desires she had kept buried flared to life. His hands drop from her face to her shoulders, skimming down her arms. She lifts her arms a bit, letting him pull the light yellow top over her head. She let's out a tiny moan as mouth moves along her collar bone. She fumbles for the hem of his shirt, finding it. She tugs it up, tangling him in it. He moves back far enough to yank it over his head, tossing it on top of her's.

She leans back in the chair, closing her eyes. His mouth and hands seemed to be everywhere. Izzie arches her back, as his fingers fumble with the clasp of her bra. The moment her breasts were from the pale peach silk and lace, his hands slid up her waist to cup them. "So beautiful," he murmurs before covering her mouth with his in another passion filled kiss. The pad of one thumb flicks across a nipple, making her moan into his mouth. She was vaguely aware of his undoing her jeans, of him sliding them down her hips. Kicking them free of her ankles, she reaches for him, returning the favor. A faint voice of reason told her she should stop him. That she needed to tell him there hadn't been anyone else since him. Nine years of celibacy overruled that tiny voice of reason that told her she needed to tell him she wasn't protected, that he needed to be the one who...The tiny voice disappears altoghether as his thickness fills her.

"Oh God," she moans, wrapping her legs around him. The chair dug into her back as he thrust into her, she barely noticed. It wasn't about filling a physical need. She had had plenty of opportunities. Hell, Mark had tried on more than one occassion. Everytime, she had gathered all her will power, and told herself Lexie came first. Perhaps it was because this was Alex, the man she loved, that made it seem right.

Gripping her hips, Alex pulls her down on top of him. He reaches up, to brush her hair from her face, then pulls her head down to kiss her. She slides her hands up his chest, tilting her head back as the passion starts to overtake her. She whimpers his name as he thrusts up and into her harder and faster. "Alex," she pants, scraping her nails across his shoulders. The hands holding her waist hold tighter as they both cry their release.


	10. Caught

Chapter Ten

Caught

It was almost like being in high school. Sneaking out of a female's bedroom before the parents caught him. Only, this time, it was his nine year old daughter, who didn't know she was his daughter, that he was worried about. Sticking his head out into the hallway, Alex peaks down the hall toward Lexie's room. The door was still shut. Good. He lets out a sigh of relief and steps out of Izzie's bedroom. Except for the boxers he had on, the rest of his clothing, along with Izzie's was strung out across the living room floor.

"What are you doing in my mom's room?" He jumps at the sound of the voice. Turning, he grins at Lexie, his mind whirling for some sort of explanation. She frowns at him, her hair a tousled mess. The Tinkerbell printed pajamas she wore were wrinkled. "Well? Why were you in mom's room?"

"Uh..." His mind had gone blank. Any reasonable explanation he might have come up with was gone. A pair of arms snake around his waist, and a hot moist mouth presses against his neck. Not good. Really not good. Lexie's face was turning an odd shade of red, and the knuckles of the hand holding her water glass were turning white. "Iz," he hisses.

"Hm. Why don't you come back to bed," Izzie murmurs, pressing another kiss to his neck. Lexie's lower lip starts to tremble. Shit. The kid was probley traumatized. Somewhere between making love in the living room and stumbling upstairs to the bedroom, Izzie had admitted that their hadn't been anyone else. She hadn't wanted to expose Lexie to that sort of lifestyle. He respected that. It was a turn on knowing he had been the last man to touch her, that there had been nobody else.

"Iz," He gulps, keeping his eye on Lexie. Her eyes had narrowed a bit.

"Yeah?" She starts to slide her hand down the front of his pants. He catches her wrist, pulling her from around his back. Her eyes go wide when they land on Lexie. "Sweetie, what you doing up?"

"I had to get a drink." She looks at the glass in her hand, frowning. The drink wasn't looking so good now. "What were you doing?" Her eyes narrow a bit more. "Were you having sex?"

Alex felt his stomach drop. What did a nine year old know about sex? He frowns, looking over at Izzie. From the stunned look on her face, she was wondering the same thing. "We...your mom and I..." This was not good. Not good at all.

"Don't try giving me the whole 'we were just jumping on the bed while trying to see who could make the most noise' thing. I'm not stupid like Shelby. Jordan told me all about what that means. His parents had sex, and then they had Garrett. Whose a brat. I don't want any brothers. Not with _you_," she looks at Alex, her voice full of venom.

"Lexie! You apologize right now!" This was the first time Alex had ever heard Izzie get firm with her. Which wasn't surpizing. What he knew of her, Lexie was a laid back, easy going kid.

"No! He isn't my daddy! You're not suppose to be with anyone but my daddy!" The words were almost screamed. She looked ready to throw the glass of water.

"He is your father!" Izzie yells back, then stops realizing what she had done. Lexie stares at them. "Baby, I'm sorry. I know we should have told you before, but..."

Lexie continues to stare at them, her face loosing most of its color. She blinks back tears, her chin trembling. "I hate you! I hate both of you!" She gives into the urge to throw the glass of water before running past them to her room. The door slams, shaking the various photographs and pieces of art along the wall.


	11. Satan's Arrival

Chapter Eleven

Satan's Arrival

If there was such a thing as being too nice of a guy, Derek would fall into that catagory. Even nice guys didn't pick their ex-wives up at the airport. Yet, here he was, standing at the end of the gate, waiting. He was just too nice for his own good.

Sighing, he stuffs his hands into his pockets. It had been almost ten years since he had last seen Addison. They hadn't parted on the best of terms. Seemed to be their forte, parting on bitter terms. Bitterness caused by Mark. The last time, he had been on Mark's side. The way she had played him hadn't been right. Using him whenever it suited her, then tossing him aside when Karev looked her way. It had just about killed Mark to learn Addison was pregnant and that she was going to marry Alex. That was when the story of the New York baby came out. Derek had thought Addison a lot of things, but intentionally cruel hadn't been one of them. Until he had learned what she had done. It wasn't that he was against abortion. He wasn't, when the woman had a sound reason. Doing it just because, well, that didnt't sit right with him.

"Derek?" He looks up, staring into eyes the clear blue of a summer sky. She looked diffrent. Softer some how. Her hair was cut in a flattering style of layers that curved around her face, barely grazing her shoulders. Gone were the power suits and perfected outfits, in their place were blue jeans and a soft peach colored sweater with three quarter length sleeves.

"Addison." He holds his hand out, grasping her's in a firm grip. "Flight went well, I take it?"

She nods, crossing her arms. "Of course. Why wouldn't it?" He shrugs, shaking his head. "Kylie, this is mommy's...friend, Derek." She motions a sullen looking girl of nine forward. There was no mistaking the puffiness around her face, or the dark circles under her greyish blue eyes. Classic signs of ALL, a result of the drugs and chemo she was enduring. Her chin lenght hair was a soft strawberry color and had just a hint of wave.

"It's nice to meet you Kylie," Derek smiles. Kylie smiles back at him. His heart stops. It was a familar grin. One he had seen most of his life. It couldn't be, though. "Have you ever been to the Emerald City?"

"No! That's a pretend place," she giggles.

"That is what they want you to think. Seattle is actually the Emerald City." Kylie gives him a leary look. "I'm serious. Ask your mother. Seattle is known as the Emerald City."

"It's because everything is so green," Addison explains when Kylie looks at her with questions in her eyes. "It rains a lot, so everything stays green."

"Oh. Okay. I get it," Kylie laughs, smiling again. Again, something about it bothers Derek. It was so familiar. Or perhaps he just wanted it be familiar. Perhaps he wanted evidence that Addison had been an even bigger, crueler bitch than they had all thought. Which was ridiculous. "Are we going to see the sea lions today? My mommy said they don't live in cages here."

"Not today," Addison answers, putting a hand on Kylie's shoulder. "Plus, wouldn't it be even more fun if Daddy was with you?" Kylie nods eagerly. "See. There you go. Something just you and Daddy can do."

Kylie's face falls a bit. "Can't you come with us?"

"No. I think it would be best if it was just you and Daddy. Besides, you haven't gotten to spend any time just the two of you in a while. You'll have fun. I promise." Addison smooths some thin hair back, kissing the pale forhead.

Derek thinks of Eva. His sweet little Eva Caroline. The spitting image of her mother. Large blue eyes, half curly, half straight blond hair, sweetest smile alive. When she laughed it righted all the wrongs in the world. He couldn't imagine what it would be like without her. Addison had to imagine life with Kylie, because it was a real possibility. A lump forms in his throat. "Do you want to go straight to the hotel? Or the hospital?"

"I think it best if we go to the hotel first. Get settled. Besides, I think there are some things Alex needs to talk to her about first, don't you?" Addison looked pointedly at him. From the bitterness in her tone, he knew she resented Lexie's existance. A part of him understood that, the rest of him thought she should be damn grateful. There was a very real possibility that Lexie was going to save Kylie's life. They both had Alex's blood type, so that was a good start. The tests they were going to run would determine the rest.

"Yes. You're right," Derek murmurs. He was way too nice of a guy.


	12. Support System

Chapter Twelve

Support System

Nothing ever stayed the same. Change was a part of life. One that couldn't be avoided. Right now, though, Addison would give just about anything to do just that. Avoid the changes that had occured at Seattle Grace during her abscense. Actually, she would give anything to avoid Seattle Grace altogether. That wasn't going to happen, though. Not if she wanted Derek to be the one to perform the necessary tests and procedures Kylie would need.

Taking a deep breath, she walks into the small waitin area, halting a bit in the doorway. The force of the door hitting her back causes her to stumble forward a bit. They were all there. Meredith, George, Cristina, Callie, and, of course, Izzie. Not much had changed with them, yet in a way everything had.

Meredith was very much pregnant, but there was more. Her hair was longer, straighter, with bangs cut across her forehead. There was more kept style to her clothing, no spots or wrinkles in her aqua blue, long sleeved t-shirt or any unneccessary creases in her faded jeans. For all intents and purposes, she looked more like a mom-to-be than the attending Addison knew her to be.

Cristina still had her edge, that much was clear. From the sleek black trousers and form fitting white wrap around blouse to her sleek black chignon. She was all business. And, from the look of things, business was good. There was no mistakening the cut and design of Prada. Everything on Cristina oozed Prada.

George had a more mature look to him. His hair was still a bit shaggy, and he still had that charming little boy grin. The suit was new, though. Suprizingly, he looked very comfortable in it and wore it well.

Callie was slimmer, softer looking. Her hair was pulled back in a smooth frenchbraid, and her scrubs were the navy blue of an attending, or at least a surgeon who had a contract with the hospital. A few smile wrinkles had formed around her mouth, a testament to a happy life. The way her fingers were intwined with George's spoke volumes. It was nice to know some people still valued love.

Izzie had somehow grown more beautiful, if that was even possible. She had the sun-kissed look of someone who spent a great deal of time outdoors. Her skin was a golden brown, and there were platinum high lights in her hair that no salon could perfect. Like Meredith, her white hooded top and snug blue jeans screamed Soccer mom, which, ironically enough, she was. At least according to Derek the oh so wonderful Lexie played soccer.

The small room falls silent as they notice her. Addison smiles slightly. Not out of some misplaced attempt to make nice, but for lack of something better to do. Only Callie smiled back. The others just stared at her. "If I'm intruding..." she motions back toward the door she had just entered. They didn't want her here. Even Callie who had been her friend at one time seemed uncomfortable with her presence. Why wouldn't they be? They were Izzie's friend. It was Izzie whose healthy child was having a small, somewhat painful, procedure done. Why worry about the woman whose child could die. She swallows the bitter lump forming in her throat. Those sort of thoughts were not fair. It couldn't be easy on Izzie, putting her child through this.

"No. Stay. You're not intruding," Meredith eases herself out of the chair she had been sitting in. Smiling over at Cristina, she laughs. "Not one word about needing a crane!"

Cristina shakes her hand, holding up perfectly manicured hands. "Wasn't going to. Although, now that you mention it, that might not be such a bad idea." She laughs when Meredith sticks her tongue out. "Bathroom again?"

"Yes. He's head butting my bladder," Meredith rubs her lower belly, sighing.

"She," Izzie and Cristina murmur together. Addison looks from them to Meredith. Clearly this was some joke between them. One Callie was in on as well, given her cheshire cat grin.

"Alex should be here soon," George supplies. "He had to check on a patient."

Addison nods. Alex's whereabouts were no longer her concern. It had been polite conversation, on George's part. "Thank you." She glances around for a place to sit. The only empty chair, other than the one Meredith had just vacated, was next to Izzie. Since a familar jacket lay in it, she could only assume it was saved for Alex. She wasn't suprized. Hell, she wouldn't be suprized if he was back in Izzie's bed again.

"Oh. Here." Izzie moves the jacket, laying it across her lap. The way she stroked the dark green material, and the smile on her face was the only answer Addison needed. Alex was fucking Izzie Stevens again. Hopefully they had the sense not to let another mistake happen.

"Thank you," Addison replies back politely. Gingerly sinking into the chair, she shifts around trying to get comfortable. As comfortable as someone could be in a room full of people who hated her. "Does Lexie know? That Alex might be her father?"

"Is. Is her father. And yes. She knows." Izzie's voice was clipped. Her grip tightens on the jacket. "She's known for about two weeks now."

The room falls quiet again. Meredith shifts around, chewing her lip before hesitantly walking out the door. Bathroom run no doubt. George clears his throat, looking at Callie. There was no mistakening the ice in Cristina's glare. Addison lets out a breath. She would do good to remember where she was, who she was with, and that she was in this alone.


	13. Unwanted Sibling

Chapter Thirteen

Unwanted Sibling

Smelling the crisp, salty air that drifted in off the Sound made Alex realize exactly how much he had missed Seattle. When he had first left, there had been a hundred one things to keep him from missing the place he had come to think of as home. Addison was pregnant. Being a husband to a woman he wasn't sure he loved. Proving himself in a new hospital where everyone was against each other. Trying to be a good father. The list went on. There had been a few times he had stopped to think about how much he missed Seattle. Usually, he would email Meredith, just for a small taste.

A hand tugs on his coat sleeve. He looks down into Kylie's wide eye stare. The one thing he had done right where Addison was concerned. There was no describing the love he had felt the first time he had held her. She had been only a minute old, screaming, covered in goop, and the most beautiful baby he had ever seen. Thinking about holding Kylie as a newborn made him think of Lexie, how he had missed that experience with her. Oh, he had seen pictures, thousands of them. It still didn't change what he had lost. God, he had lost so much. It felt like a betray to the sweet girl standing next to him, yammering on about the sea lions, the thoughts he had. The truth was, if he could go back, if he could give Izzie the chance to tell him about Lexie, he wouldn't have gone to New York with Addison. He would have stayed, begged Izzie to marry him, and raised Lexie with her. Doing so would have meant not being there for Kylie, knowingly doing to her what he had done to Lexie. It was a hard thing to realize about himself.

"Hey, I think we can go down there and feed them." Kylie cried excitedly, grabbing his coat sleeve again. "See. Look Daddy, there are some people down there. We should go down there." She looks up at him, pleading. There were few things she asked for. When she did ask, he tried to give it to her.

"Yeah. In a minute though. How about we go sit on that bench over there. Have a father/daughter talk. We haven't done that in a while," Alex tucks a lock of her hair behind her ear. She had her own look about her. There wasn't much of Addison except the coloring, and nothing of himself. Lexie was a perfect blend of him and Izzie. He curses himself again for comparing the two. There was no comparing them. They were both his daughters. He loved them both. This connection he felt toward Lexie wasn't fair to Kylie.

"Okay. Yeah. What do you want to talk about?" She wraps her fingers around his, leading him to the bench he had pointed out. The first to take a seat, she pats the spot next to her, a smile on her face. "It's pretty here." Her always curious gaze scans the horizan, taking everything in.

"It is. Very pretty. Not as pretty as you though," he tickles her stomach, getting the desired giggle. God he had missed that giggle. They use to have tickle matches before she got sick. "I've missed you squirt."

Leaning her head against his chest, she extends her arms as far around him as she could. "I've missed you, too, Daddy."

Gulping down the lump forming in his throat, Alex strokes her hair, savoring the baby softness. It use to be long, well down her back. Thick, straight, and more blond than red. When it had started growing back in, it was softer, finer, with more red than blond. "I love you, you know that?" She nods, her chin scrapping against his shirt. "You know that nothing is ever going to make me stop loving you, right?" She nods again, this time pulling back to look at him. So serious, his little Kylie. Far to serious for a child of nine. "You are always going to be my squirt. Always." He cups her face in both hands, struggling not to cry. He couldnt' lose her. Never mind how horrible his marriage had been, he couldn't lose Kylie. He presses a kiss to her forehead. "Did your mom tell you about the little girl who is helping you?"

Kylie shakes her head. "No. Just that you know her mom, and that she might be able to make me better." She smiles a bit. "It would be nice to not be so sick all the time. I hate feeling sick."

"I know you do." He smooths her hair some more. "The little girl who is helping you, her name is Alexa."

"That's almost like your name," she laughs, blue eyes twinkling.

Alex nods. "Yes. It is. She was named after me." That got her attention. She stared at him intently, waiting for him to say more. "Before mommy and I met, I knew her mother really well." Really well didn't begin to cover it. There was no way to explain to Kylie the complexity that had been his relationship with Izzie.

"Oh. Okay. But, why would her mom name her after you?" Kylie frowns a bit, moving away a few inches. Her fingers start toying with the zipper of her lavender sweater. A sign that she was nervous.

"Because. She wanted her to be named after her father," he says softly. This was so much harder than he thought. Kylie wasn't looking at him anymore. She was staring out a the water, running the zipper up, then down. "Alexa Stevens, the girl who is helping you, she's my daughter."

"_I'm_ your daughter!" Kylie cries, zipping harder, faster.

"Yes. You are. But so is Alexa...Lexie." Alex reaches out, laying his hand over the one she had working the zipper.

She bats his hand away, crossing her arms. "Is that why you moved out here? To be with your other little girl? The one who isn't sick and bald?" Tears ran down her cheeks.

"No. That isn't why I moved out here. " How did he make her understand? Could he? He rubs his hands over his head, trying to think of how to bring this down to her level. "I had to move here, Kylie. Things weren't good with your mom. You know that."

"You guys fought all the time," she says sullenly, the zipper moving up and down once more.

"Yes. We did. That wasn't your fault, though. We just couldn't get along." That was so far from the truth. They had chosen to not get along. They had picked fight after fight with each other until there was nothing left. "I didn't know about Lexie until I came back."

"How come? Seems to me you should know something like that." Kylie looks over at him. Hurt burned in her eyes. She was trying to understand.

"I know. Her mom thought it would be best if I didn't know. She thought you needed me more than Lexie did." Dammit. Why had he said that? He shouldn't have said that.

"I do need you more than _she _ does. I'm your baby girl. Not her. Her mom is right. She doesn't need you. I do. So, when she's done helping me, it can go back to just us, okay? No more other little girls. Just us." She was pleading, begging. Asking him to forget about Lexie.

Taking a deep breath, Alex did something he had never done before. He told Kylie no.


	14. Recipe For Disaster

Chapter Fourteen

Recipe For Disaster.

The whole situation had bad idea written all over it. Izzie had tried to tell Alex that making the girls meet wasn't a good idea. She had explain, in depth, that Lexie was barely willing to accept him as a father, and while she might be willing to undergo painful procedures to help Kylie, she had no desire to meet her or be sisters. From what she understood, Kylie was feeling the same way. Alex was determined, though. Whether they liked it or not, they were sisters and they would get along. In the end, she had decided it would best to let him see for himself.

Izzie glances at her watch. They would be arriving anytime. Alex and her had decided the Pier was the perfect place for a "family" outing. Both girls loved sea lions. Hopefully, given the opportunity to realize they had something, aside from DNA, in common, they would start talking. With any luck, the talking would lead to them liking each other. That was Alex's idealistic thinking. Izzie knew better. Lexie was determined not to like Kylie. She saw Kylie as the main reason her father wasn't around.

"I'm missing Megan's birthday party," Lexie pouts, crossing her arms. She shoots Izzie a resentful glare from the corner of her eye. She had made her complaints very vocal. It had taken the most of the morning to get out the door. Izzie had had to send her to her room five times to change. In the end, the faded jeans and heather grey long sleeved shirt had been Izzie's choice.

"Megan will have other birthdays," Izzie sighs. She runs a hand through her hair. Right now, Megan's tea party themed birthday was sounding good to her to. Whatever bug was going around, she seemed to have caught it. She was emotionally and physically drained. "It isn't going to kill you to spend time with your father and sister."

Lexie scowls, kicking a rock with the toe of her white tennis shoe. "He's not my father. He's a sperm donor. That's what Aunt Cristina calls him, and that's what I'm going to call him. And, I didn't ask for a sister." Kicking the rock the same way she would dribble a soccer ball, she stares at the ground, the scowl still fixed on her face. One long braid slaps against her cheek. She shoves it back over her shoulder.

Izzie frowns. She really needed to pay better attention to what everyone was saying when Lexie was around. She remembered the sperm donor comment quite well. In fact, she had been the one to make the flippant remark first. Her way of coping with being alone. That had been last year. She hadn't realized Lexie had overheard that conversation. "No, you are not. If you don't want to call him Dad, then fine, call him Alex. But, under no circumstances are you going to call him The Sperm Donor."

"Whatever. That's basically what he did, right? Donate some sperm, then run off to New York to be daddy to some bratty girl named Kylie." Lexie kicks the rock off the Pier, leaning slightly over the railing to watch it drop into the seemingly bottomless water below.

"How do you know she's bratty?" Izzie rubs her temples, frowning. They would address how Lexie knew what sperm was later. Right now, she needed to focus on getting her child to behave. Parenting had been easier when she was a single mother.

"Because. Kylie's a bratty sounding name," Lexie explained. Picking up another rock, she chunks it over the railing, smiling when it makes a rather impressive splash, if she did say so herself.

"Alexa Marie, that is just...ridiculous." Where did she come up with these things? Leaning her forearms on the railing, she stares out at the water. The sun reflected off of it, making glittery ripples. "You don't even know Kylie. You might like her."

"Nope. Not gonna like her." Her mind was made up. There was no changing it. Nothing was going to make her like some stupid brat named Kylie who had stolen her father. Nothing. Turning to look at her mother, she starts to say so, then stops. "She even looks bratty."

Izzie turns, catching sight of Alex walking toward them, holding the hand of a sullen faced girl with short reddish gold hair. The pink sweater with its lacey trim and the white pants the child wore looked out of place for a day spent roaming the Pier. Stylish, yes, appropriate, well maybe in Addison's world.

"Hey. Sorry we're late. Traffic," Alex smiled sheepishly. The look he sent Izzie said it hadn't been traffic. The weariness in his eyes told her he now knew she had been right. This was a bad idea. They had to play it out though. "Kylie, this is Izzzie."

Izzie smiles, holding out her hand. "It's nice to finally meet you." The look Kylie gave her was pure Addison. She drops her hand. Oh was this day going to be long. Her already queasy stomach does a flip flop.

"Kylie," Alex urges, his voice stern. When the girl doesn't respond, he looks down at her. She was staring at Lexie, who was leaning against the rail, a scowl on her face. "And, this is Lexie. Your sister."

"She's not my sister," Kylie insists, crossing her arms. She sends Lexie a dirty look. The one she recieves in return was down right nasty.

"Good. I don't want a sister. And," Lexie looks pointedly at Alex, "I don't need the sperm donor in my life!"

Izzie groans, burying her face in her hands. "Lexie, I thought we discussed that. I thought we agreed that you would call him Alex."

"No. You agreed. I didn't. Beside, that's what Aunt Cristina and you use to call him. And,he's my dad, I can call him what I want." Lexie kicks another rock, this one sailing towards the walk-way.

"He isn't your dad!" Kylie practically shrieked the words. Her normally pale face was turning a rather interesting shade of red. Her fists were balled up on either side of her.

"He is too! My mom said he's my dad!" Lexie shouted back. She took a step closer, narrowing her eyes.

"Your mom's a liar! My mommy said so!" Kylie yells. Unlike Lexie, she didn't move from her spot next to Alex.

"My mom isn't a liar! She might not tell me everything, but she isn't a liar! And..at least people don't call her Satan! That's what people call your mom. Satan. Cause she's such a bitch!" Lexie shouts, taking another step forward.

"Lexie!" Izzie stares at her shock. This wasn't the sweet little girl she had raised. This was some, strange, angry child she had never seen before.

"What! It's true. Everybody says it. Addison Montgomery is Satan. I hear Uncle Derek say it all the time." Lexie scowls, kicking her foot in a wide arch. A spray of gravel goes over the edge of the railing.

"Uncle Derek was joking." She wasn't sure how much more of this she could take. It seemed that ever since Alex had come back into their lives everything had been choatic. No. That wasn't entirely true. Ever since Lexie had found out he was her father things had been choatic. Kylie being here was making it even worse. She looks at Alex, trying not to cry. "I don't think this is a good idea." She puts an arm around Lexie, smooths some of her silky bangs from her forehead.

"I think you're right," Alex admits grudingly. He rubs the back of his neck, looking between both his daughters. "You two have a choice. Either you can stop acting like a bunch of spoiled brats and at least pretend to like each other so we enjoy the one day we're all going to be able to see each other. Or, you keep acting like toddlers and we go home."

"I vote for home," Lexie says quickly. She looks up at Izzie. "If we leave now, I can still get ready for Megan's party."

"We go home, you're not going to that party. You will go straight to your room. And you will stay there the rest of the day," Izzie snaps, pushing the sleeve of her pale yellow sweater up.

"That isn't fair! I didn't ask for this!" Lexie cries, her eyes blurring as they fill with tears. "It's not fair. None of this is fair. He was suppose to be my dad, not her's! She got to spend her whole life with him, and the only reason he even came to see me was because Miss Bratty was sick. All he wants is for me to make her better. He doesn't care about me, or how I feel!" Tears poured down her cheeks as her shoulders shook. "I don't care if I have to go to room, I want to go home. I still hurt." To prove her point, she rubs the hip where they had taken a sample of her bone marrow.

Izzie fought not to cry. Gathering her daughter in her arms, she hugs her tightly, kissing the top of her head. She had always promised herself that she would protect Lexie. That she would keep her from hurting. Yet, the past month or so, all Lexie had done was hurt. Emotionally, and, because of the testing, physically. When had any of them stopped to ask her what she was thinking, what she was feeling.

"At least your hurt will go away," Kylie mutters. "I'm sick. I'm going to die. And he was my father first!"

Izzie stares at the girl in horror. The child had heard that somewhere. She wanted to believe it was from Addison. She looks at Alex, expecting him to say something. He looks away. Anger burns its way through her. "You know what Lexie, you're right. You don't need this. And neither do I!" Putting an arm around her still sobbing daughter, she guides her back toward where she had parked her car.

"Izzie!" Alex calls. She can hear him following them. Felt him grab her arm. She halts, almost stumbling when he bumps into her. "Wait. Don't go."

"No. I think it's best if we do. I also think it would be best if you just stayed out of our lives," Izzie practically chokes on the words. She hadn't realized how much she still loved him until now. She had put her wants and needs first, not Lexie's. She couldn't continue to do that. If having Alex around was hurting Lexie, then it was better for him to not be around.

"The testing..." he stops.

Izzie laughs, bitterly. "Of course. That's what this has all been about. When you first showed up, I understood. I understood why you were there, and what you were wanting. I was more than willing to help. Lexie would have helped, too. Just because that is the kind of girl she is. That is the kind of girl I raised her to be. You were the one who asked for the chance to know her, to be a part of her life. You were the one who asked for another chance with me. And for what? To gaurentee we would help your oh so precious Kylie. Well, you know what. You got your way. We're going to help. At least we know where we stand though, in your life. Lexie, let's go." She turns, holding out her hand to Lexie. She ignores Alex's pleas for them to stay.


	15. Ugly Revelations

Chapter Fifeteen

Ugly Revelations

Loneliness does ugly things to people. Addison knew that better than anybody. There was only one person in the city of Seattle that hadn't gone out of their way to shun her. Good ole Mark Sloan. Of course, he hadn't exactly been beating down her door to say hello either. If they happened to pass one another in the halls of Seattle Grace, he would grace her with a polite nod. Since she had few reasons to go to Seattle Grace, he had only had the opportunity to give her two polite nods. One that first visit, and one a few moments before. The test results were in, and she wasn't going to miss hearing them. Whether she liked it or not, Alexa Stevens was Kylie's only hope. Ironic, considering how much the two girls seemed to dislike each other. She had heard the story of the Pier scene, of the hurtful things said. She wasn't so blinded by motherly love to think Kylie was as innocent as she was claiming. There was also no getting her to understand the full scope of the situation. How did she tell her child, who had been through so much already, that her parents had never loved each other, that her father really should have chosen Izzie? There wasn't anyway.

"Addison." She turns, frowning a bit when she spots Alex coming toward her. The last thing she wanted to do today was fight with Alex. That was all they ever did. Fight and argue.

"I don't suppose asking you to leave would do any good," she sighs, crossing her arms. Looking to the left, she notices that Meredith was easing her ever increasing girth into a chair. There was a fair haired toddler with her this time. The little girl was all smiles and giggles, stomping her little feet on the tile. Squealing her pleasure over having a hold of her mother's car keys. Addion couldn't help but smile.

"I have a right to be here," Alex states, taking a sip of the coffee in his hand. He wore a pair of khaki slacks with a white long sleeved dress shirt and burgandy tie. His unofficial work uniform. "Any news yet?" His seemed to be scanning the room. Looking for Izzie, no doubt, Addison muses.

"No. Nothing yet." She hesitates a moment. "Things aren't going so well with Izzie and Lexie are they?"

Alex stares at her. "I bet you're loving that." His tone was bitter, and his gaze was on the object of their discussion. The girl was along this time as well. She had taken charge of Meredith's toddler, playing a game of peek a boo with her. She wore what looked to be a school uniform of navy khaki skirt and light blue polo shirt with something embroidered on the left breast pocket.

"No. Actually, I'm sorry. Would have been nice if at least one of us had found happiness after all, you know?" Addison sighs again, reaching up to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear. She had gathered it in a hasty loose pony tail at the nape of her neck. "Have you talked to her since the...you know...falling out?"

Alex shakes his head, staring whistfully at the woman he had always loved and the daughter they had created. "No. She refuses to answer any of my calls, and if they're home when I go by, they're not answering the door either."

"I'm sorry. Give it time. I'm sure in time..." She trails off as the leg of her pant is tugged. Looking down she stares into a pair of familar blue eyes. Derek's eyes. She smiles down at the tiny girl. "Hello."

The toddler rattles of some unintelligiable banter, then claps her hands. When Lexie comes to pick her up, she squeals her joy. "Sorry," Lexie mumbles, glancing toward Alex. There were so many emotions running across her face. She looked as though she wanted to say something, but didn't know how.

"Lexie," Alex starts, then stops. He rubs the back of his neck, frowning a bit. "How...how's your mom?"

Addison winces a bit. He had asked it loud enough for the waiting room to hear. Including Izzie, who was now staring in their direction as well.

"She's fine. We've both had the flu, but other than that we're fine." Lexie says the words matter of factly, shifts the wiggling Eva onto her other hip, then walks back toward the others.

"I..that's good," he murmurs. He wanted to say more, Addison knew him well enough to know that. He would have said more too, she was sure, if Derek hadn't walked off the elevator. With the exception of Meredith, everyone scrambled to their feet.

"Whatever it says, just say it," Addison pleads. She needed to know. She had to know. The hope was getting to be too much. Wringing her hands, she chews her lip.

Derek looks at Meredith, a pained look on his face. "I'm sorry. Lexie doesn't qualify as a donor canidate for Kylie."

Addison nods, tears running down her cheeks. She had been afraid of this. It had been to good to be true. The girls had diffrent mothers. It had been a long shot, thinking this would be the miracle she had prayed for.

"Were they close? I mean, if they're close, maybe..." Alex trails off. Close wouldn't cut it. It had to be exact.

"No. I'm sorry. They weren't even close," Derek hesitates. "I...I'm sorry, but there are no matching DNA markers. They...they're not related."


	16. Angry Shock

Chapter Sixteen

Angry Shock

There was no way to describe the way he felt. Alex had been prepared for the test to come back negative. He had prepared himself for that. What he hadn't prepared himself for was learning that Izzie had lied. That Lexie wasn't his child. Anger started over ruling the shock. He could feel his blood begining to boil. He had wondered why it had been so easy for Izzie to keep him out of Lexie's life, why it had been so easy for her to walk off, now he knew.

"What kind of mother are you?" He yells, storming over to where she stood. Izzie flinched a bit, staring at him, confused. "What kind of mother tells her child that a man who isn't her father is? Then again, you didn't want to tell her. I'm the one who kept pushing the issue."

"I told her you were her father because you are," Izzie says, her voice cracking. She looked hurt, confused. Next to her, Lexie was crying, still holding Eva. The tiny toddler had her own tears running down her rosy cheeks.

"Don't lie! Tests don't lie, Izzie! You heard Derek. Everyone heard him. She isn't my kid!" Alex wanted to find the nearest trash can and loose what little contents he had in his stomach. There was somethign wrong with him. Truly wrong. The thing that hurt the most about this wasn't learning that Kylie's last hope was gone, it was learning that Lexie wasn't his. What kind of man, what kind of father, thought that way? "Do you even know whose kid she is? She belong to good ole Denny? Or what about George? Everyone knows about how you fucked him to make things worse with him and Callie."

"Stop it," Lexie sobs. She almost drops Eva in her rush to cover her ears. Her slender body trembles, her precious face turns red as tears stain the golden skin.

"Lexie, baby, come here. Come with Aunt Cristina," Cristina says hoarsley, putting an arm around the shaking child. She looks over at Alex. "This is what I was afraid of. That first morning, when I seen your name go into the building directory. This is what I was afraid of. You hurting an innocent child who doesn't deserve it." She shakes her head, then leads a hysterical Lexie away.

"You don't know what you're talking about," George snaps, a fist balling up.

"Right. I don't know what I'm talking about. _She_," he points to Callie, "told Addison all about your affair with Izzie."

"What affair? What the hell are you talking about? The only person I slept with after Denny's death was you! Just you!" Izzie sobs. Her arms were wrapped around her stomach.

"Stop lying! God, just stop lying!" Alex yells, running a hand over his head. Several strands of hair stand up.

"Dr. Karev, I think it would be best if you leave. IF you are not willing to do so on your own, I will be forced to call security." It was Callie that snapped the words at him.

"I'm going. There's nothing left here," Alex looks coldly in Izzie's direction, then storms toward the elevator. He needed a drink. Something hard, something that would numb the pain.


	17. Grow Up

Chapter Seventeen

Grow Up!

Few things had ever made Meredith truly angry. When she had learned Derek was married from his estranged wife instead of him. When she had found out that Dr. Webber and her mother had had an affair. When she had almost drowned. When her mother had had the nerve to die. Those things had made her angry. Perhaps it was the pregnancy hormones, but hearing Alex talk to Izzie that way, it had made her livid. Not the screaming, yelling, kicking kind of livid. No, this was more of calm and cool livid. The sort of livid that was to be feared.

The Emerald City Bar looked the way it always did. Dirty floors, peanut shells everywhere, drunks arguing over who was going to win the Pennet Race this season. The place never changed. There had been few opportunities to come the last year or so. For some reason, pregnanct and bar didn't seem to go together. Derek came with Mark every so often. Their tribute to the good ole days. It was as close as they came to being friends or "hanging out." Both hands on her swollen stomach, Meredith scans the familar interior. Alex was sitting on what use to be his regular stool. Taking a deep breath, she walks over to him.

"I thought I might find you here," She says, trying to wiggle her pregnant body onto the stool next to his. It took a bit, but she finally managed. Any attempt Alex made to help, she waved off. She didn't want help, not from him anyways. When she was done having her say, he wouldn't want to help. "That was quite a show you put on back there."

Alex flicks the peeling label on his beer bottle, his face sullen. "Why did you even tell me about Lexie?"

"I don't know, Alex. You seem to know it all. You tell me. Why would I tell you about Lexie?" Meredith waved Joe over. "I need something to drink." Joe raises a brow, looks down at her abdomen. "Not that kind of drink. You have juice and stuff back there. I know you do. Izzie and Callie order those fruity drinks all the time. I want whatever you put in the fruity drink, minus the alcohol."

"How about orange juice? I know that is alcohol free." Joe offers. She nods, then looks back toward Alex, her gaze steely. "Better watch it Karev. She looks ready to castrate someone."

"Castration isn't good enough for him. Thank you," She smiles as Joe places a glass of juice in front of her, complete with a little pink umbrella. Taking a sip, she stares at Alex, rationalizing her next move. "You had no right talking to her that way. None. She has spent the last nine years of her life raising a child by herself. Anytime someone tried to set her up or ask her out on a date, she told them no, being a mother came first. She stays up until two a.m. baking cookies for soccer league bake sales. She has made every single Halloween costume. She schedules fun days so that Lexie has something to look forward to if things get hectic at the hospital. She has grilled every single teacher that girl has ever had. Do you know why?"

"Mere," Alex starts, she puts a hand up.

"You don't get to talk. I haven't given you permission to talk yet. I'm talking. Not you. I'm the talker. You, you need to listen! Where was I? Oh. Right. Do you know why? Because Izzie Stevens is the best damn mother out there. I don't care what Addison has been through, she will never be as good of a mother as Izzie. So, you don't get to tell her she's a bad mother." She stops to take a long drink of her juice, grimacing at the acidic burn.

"Meredith, I-"

She looks over at Alex again. "Did you not hear me? I'm the talker. Not you. You don't get to talk. When you talk nothing but crap comes out. Did you stop to think about Lexie? She was standing right there, Alex. Every single word that came out of your mouth, she heard. How do you think that makes her feel? She already thinks you love Kylie more. That you don't want her. Guess this proves she's right. How sad. How sad for you. That you are so blind that you don't see what is right in front of you. What bothers me the most about this, is you claim to love Izzie and despise Addison, yet you automatically assume that Izzie is the one who lied. Wow. That blows my mind. I am so glad Derek doesn't 'love' me the way you love Izzie." Shaking her head, Meredith finishes her juice. There was nothing more for her to say. She had said what needed to be said. Grimacing as she slides off the stool, she turns to pay Joe, who waves her off. She gives Alex one last disgusted look before walking out.


	18. Right There

Chapter Eighteen

Right There

The only good thing that came from being alone, was it allowed for deep thoughts, ponderings. Sitting there, in an empty waiting room, that was Addison did. She sat there, trying to come to terms with the fact that her child was going to die. Her mind wouldn't wrap around it. A world without Kylie, it wasn't imaginable. A tear creeps from the corner of her eye, slowly sliding down her cheek. It is quickly followed by another, then another. Streaks of black eye liner mar her pale skin. Usually, she would care about how horrible it looked. Right now, it didn't matter. Her baby's last hope was gone.

A cup of coffee appears from no where, held by a strong hand. She follows the hand, up the arm, the shoulder, to the face. Mark loomed over her. "Thank you," she murmurs, taking the cup. She lifts it to her nose, inhales the rich aroma. There was nothing like Chocolate Velvet coffee from Starbucks. Funny that he remembered that. Neither of her husbands ever had. They would bring her everything but.

"Yeah, well, I figured you might need it. Would have laced it with something stronger but Miranda has rules about alcohol and bringing it to work. It would seem that it isn't constructive to a professional atmosphere. Who knew." He chuckles. "You mind?" He motions toward the empty seat to her left. She shakes her head. Sitting, he props his elbows on his knees, steepling his fingers against his mouth. He stares at her from the corner of his eye. "I'm sorry Addie. Real sorry."

Addison shrugs. "It isn't your fault. It isn't anyone's fault really. Just one of them things, I suppose. When Kylie first got sick, I was so scared she would die. I obsessed over it. I literally drove myself insane trying to imagine life without my baby in it." Her lower lip trembles as she takes in a shaky breath. "Oh God, Mark , it hurts so much worse!" Her shoulders bow over as she starts to sob. A warm arm drapes across her back, then rubs her arm.

"Addison," Mark sighs. For once in his life, he was at a loss for words. "You have to stop thinking like that. Thinking that way implies that you are quitting. And the Addison I know is not a quitter."

She lets out another muffled sob before looking up at him. He smiles faintly. Her stomach clenches. Oh God. She knew that smile. "I...I have to go!" Jumping up, she pushes her hair off her face with trembling hands. Derek. She had to find Derek.


	19. Rain, Rain Go Away

Chapter Nineteen

Rain, Rain Go Away

It was slow at first. A fine mist, sheening the earth in a faint coating of moisture. Slowly, it grew denser, heavier. Falling in steady sheets. Alex didn't seem to notice the change. His body was numb to the point of not caring. The only thing he cared about was the dim light on in the upstairs window. Izzie's window. Always got the first rays of sunlight. That first morning, he had cursed, hating the intrusion. He couldn't figure out why the hell Izzie would want to sleep in a room where the sun shone in first thing. Then, he had made love to her, that sun coating her body in golden glow. A shadow moves in the window. It paced back and forth before pausing. A small slit forms in the blinds, then quickly snaps shut. A few moments later the front door opens.

"What are you doing?" Izzie asks, crossing her arms. She had changed from the dressy black skirt and white blouse of earlier into a white t shirt and black cropped yoga pants. Her golden hair was pulled back in a sloppy bun.

"I...I don't know. I don't know what the hell I'm doing anymore." Alex starts up the walk, stopping short of the front steps when he notices her frown. She looked so sad. So resigned. "I'm sorry, Iz. I am so sorry."

"Fine. You're sorry. If you think that makes everything okay, then you're wrong. It doesn't." Izzie's voice cracks. She shakes her head, part of her hair falling loose from the hap-hazard style. She brushes it back in an annoyed manner. "Do you have any idea what you did to Lexie? She cried herself to sleep. She thinks there is something wrong with her and that's why you don't want her."

"I never said I didn't want her. Or you for that matter." Alex could feel the bile forming in the back of his mouth. The damage had been done. His whole life his father had made him think there was something wrong with him. He had always sworn to never do that to his children. Yet, today, he had done just that.

"Maybe you didn't come right out and say it, but that's what you meant." Pushing her hair off her face once more, she lets out a shakey breath. "I never thought anything could hurt worse than Denny dying. I was wrong. Having you acccuse me of being a whore, of not knowing who my child belonged to, that hurt so much worse. Not once did you stop think that maybe it wasn't Lexie that had the wrong DNA."

"I raised Kylie, Izzie. I raised her!" Alex said weakly. He hadn't wanted to face it. To face it would mean that he had lost nine years with his daughter for nothing. That he had lost nine years with Izzie for nothing. "Do you know what that's like? She was my little girl, then suddenly, she's..what? Not anymore? So, I'm sorry that I couldn't accept that. I am so fucking sorry!"

"Sometimes, Alex, sorry isn't enough," Her voice shook almost as badly as her body. She smiles at him sadly. "I was going to suggest we have dinner tonight. You, me, Lexie. We...Lexie and I...we felt we owed you an apology for the way things went that day on the pier. We wanted you to know how much we both loved you and wanted you in our lives. That maybe we could be a family."

The small portion of his heart that wasn't already broken shattered into a million pieces. He could feel his eyes starting to burn. "We can still be a family."

Izzie shakes her head. "No. No we can't. It isn't just about me anymore. Or even Lexie. I...I'm pregnant. That was something else I wanted to tell you tonight. After Lexie went to bed. It was suppose to be diffrent this time," she says softly, her voice betraying the turmoil inside her. "I wasn't suppose to be alone this time!"

Alex steps closer, then closer still. He tentatively touches her cheek. A second chance. That was what this was. A second chance. This time, there would be no regrets. They would go this pregnancy every step of the way together. Maybe, just maybe, for once, he could deliver his own baby. "You're not alone. I'm here. We're in this together. You, me, Lexie, and," he smiles, caressing her stomach, "the baby."

Her eyes close, she leans her cheek into his palm. A single tear slips down her cheek as she steps away from him a moment later. " There is no us, Alex."

The door shut quietly, yet it sounded like a thousand gunshots going off. On the other side, he can hear her sobbing. He wasn't sure if it was the rain or his own tears making his face wet. It didn't really matter. Leaning his forehead against the door, he lets the tears fall, blaming the rain.


	20. Giant Small Talk

Chapter Twenty

Giant Small Talk

Miracles always seemed to have a bittersweet taste to them. They were sweet in the essence that they were in fact a miracle. The bitterness was born out of the means that led to the miracle. Bittersweet taste or not, Addison was greatful.

It was almost laughable, the way her miracle had come about. After leaving a semi-stunned Mark sitting alone in a darkened waiting room, she had found Derek. Told him her fears, then had them confirmed. While there had been no test at that point to declare Mark as Kylie's father, she had known. The moment Derek had answered her question concerning which girl had Alex's DNA markers, she had known. Aside from Alex, there had been no one else other than Mark. It had been with a mixture of horror and fledgling hope that she went to Mark, telling him that he, not Alex, was Kylie's father. The words he had flung at her made the ones Alex had brutalized Izzie with seem warm and fuzzy. It hadn't mattered. Nothing he said had mattered. She could handle the verbal assualt and the glacier stares because Mark had been a perfect match. The man she had once claimed would make a disgraceful father had, in the end, given their daughter life not once, but twice.

There was still alot to be decided where Kylie was concerned. The only thing they had agreed on was waiting to tell her that Alex wasn't her father. She didn't need to have that to deal with along with the pain of undergoing the marrow transplant. It would be hard, telling her that the man who had raised her with such and adoration wasn't her father. Alex had agreed with them. Telling her right now wouldn't be in her best interests.

Best interests seemed to be something Addison was getting well aquainted with. She had never really stopped to think how selfish she had been. If she had, she would have realized from the moment she found out she was pregnant that the baby might not belong to Alex. She had refused to believe otherwise. Her blindness had come at a pretty high price, too. For seven years she had trapped Alex in a loveless marriage. Izzie had had to raise Alex's real daughter alone. Kylie had to suffer through treatments she wouldn't have had to otherwise if they had known Mark was her father.

Sighing in resignation, Addison pushes her hair off her face while staring at the sludge the hospital called coffee. Kylie had been sleeping peacefully when she had left the room, needing to escape the small space. It seemed that her meloncholy thoughts suffecated her in that room. Sighing again, she toys with the idea of trying to choke down the sludge or run to the cafeteria for something decent. The cafeteria won out.

She wasn't quite sure what possessed her to sit down at Izzie's table, but that was exactly what she did. It had been while paying for her Chocolate Velvet Starbucks that she noticed the rather sad looking blond sitting alone, pushing salad around with her fork. "I thought the letter was just a letter."

"Excuse me?" Izzie looks up, a slight frown marring her otherwise perfect face.

"The letter you sent. The one I wrote that nasty note on. I thought it was just a letter. It just now occured to me that it was probley about Lexie." Addison cups the styrofoam cup in both hands, staring down at it.

"It was, yes," Izzie answers, stabbing a small bite of salad with her fork. She lifts it to her mouth, nibbles on it, then lays the fork down in the bowl. "What do you want Addison? To apologize? To have me say I forgive you? Fine. I forgive you."

"I wanted to apologize, yes. That isn't what I want though. What I want is to tell you what a wonderful father Alex was. When Kylie was first born, she was so crabby. Cried all the time. The only person who could get her to stop was Alex. He would walk the floors with her at night, never mind that he had to get up and go do rounds the next day. And, when she was teething, he was the one to figure out what worked to numb her gums. He was also the one who taught her how to walk."

"Is this suppose to make me feel better? Telling me what my child's father did for your child? Am I suppose to be happy that your daughter...Mark's daughter...got to have those moments with Alex? Because, I have to tell you, it's making me hate you even more." Izzie's mouth curls in contempt. The disgust in her eyes burned Addison.

"I'm not trying to hurt you anymore than you've already been hurt, Izzie." Addison folds her arms on the table, leaning forward a bit. A wisp of hair escapes the clip holding her hair back. "I just thought you should know that he's a good father. I know he said some really hurtful things. Things you might not be able to forgive or get passed. I think you should try, though. If not for your sake, then for your daughter's. She couldn't ask for a better father than Alex Karev."

"Did Alex ask you to talk to me?" Izzie asks suspiciously.

"No. Alex and I talk very little these days. Not much of a reason to talk. He comes to visit Kylie. We haven't told her yet. About Mark being her father. Thought we would let her get better first." Addison smiles sadly. "Can't say that I'm relishing that talk."

"No. I imagine not." Izzie reaches for the white styrofoam cup in front of her. She takes a small sip from it. "Did he tell you that I was pregnant?"

Addison nods. "Yes. He did. Which is why I think you should try to get passed the things he said. He didn't mean them. He was just...he..." she sighs. "There really is no excuse for what he said. I'm not going to try and make one for him. I just know he was a wonderful father to Kylie. A lot better one than Mark would have been at that time. I don't want your daughter to miss out on that anymore than she already has. And, this new baby has a chance to grow up knowing his or her's father. Do you really want to take that from them?"

Izzie stares at her for a moment, then looks down, her face wrinkled as she frowns. Addison takes it as her cue to leave. Scraping the chair back, she stands. "Izzzie?" Izzie looks up. "Do you know why my marriage didn't work out?"

Izzie shurgs. "He cheated on you."

"No. We were technically seperated when that happened. My marriage didn't work because Alex didn't love me. He couldn't love me. The only person he has ever been able to love more than himself is you."


	21. The Connection

Chapter Twenty-One

The Connection

Growing up, Alex had learned to distance himself from the harsh realities that were his homelife. When his father would come home, all strung out on whatever his current fix was and start in on his mother, he would think of the future. While his mother screamed and cried, he would imagine what sort of father he would be. He would think about the faceless, nameless kids who would call him dad and how they would never know the fear he knew. While his father the house apart, screaming for his mother to produce money that wasn't there, he would picture himself taking some woman, his wife, out. They would go to a nice restraunt, where he would pull her chair out and tell her how beautiful she was. He was never going to be his father. He was never going to make his children or the woman he loved feel inferior. It had been a nice dream. It wasn't a pleasant thought, realizing he was like his father. Maybe he had never raised a hand to Izzie or Lexie, but he had made them feel unloved, unwanted. That was something that he would have to live with for the rest of his life. It didn't stop him from wanting them, needing them, in his life. The same could be said for the unborn baby him and Izzie had created.

Rubbing the back of his neck, he sighs. Things couldn't go on this way. He felt like half a man. It was hard, seeing Izzie whenever he had to go to Seattle Grace. There had never been a question that he would sign a contract with them. It was the only hospital he had any faith in. He had had only three patients go into labor since opening his practice. All three times, Izzie had been working. The last one had been yesterday. In the four weeks since she had told him about the baby they hadn't talked once. Yesterday, though, she had actually said hello when they passed in the hall. Maybe it was nothing, but he was going to believe it was something. Sighing again, he presses the down button for the elevator. It wasn't the public use one, but rather the one reserved for building occupants. When the doors slide open, his heart stops. Lexie stares back at him, a shaggy haired boy with twinkling blue eyes next to her. Both wore pale blue polos with khakis, her's a skirt, his slacks.

"Lexie," he says, sounding almost breathless. Hesitantly, he steps onto the elevator. She shuffles closer to the boy, chewing her lip. It was such an Izzie thing to do. "You must be one of George's kids?" Clearly the boy belonged to O'Malley. There was no mistakening that nose, the shaggy hair, or the Irish blue eyes.

"Yup. Jordan." He holds his hand out, a grin on his face.

Alex starts to shake his hand. Before their hands connet, Lexie grabs his. "Don't. He's got one of them buzzer things. He's been zapping people all day."

"Aw man. Lexie," Jordan grumbles. He scowls for a second, then sighs. He unsticks the buzzer and drops it into his backpack. "I'll just get Garret when I get home. He falls for it every time."

Lexie rolls her eyes. She had yet to remove her hand from Alex's. It felt right, having her hand in his. "He's not even two. And, you heard your mom. You zap him again and you'll get grounded."

"Like I'm scared of her," Jordan guffaws.

Lexie looks up at Alex, there was some hesitancy in her smile. "He doesn't mean that. He's terrofied of Aunt Callie. She has this look, this stare down that gets him everytime."

"That ain't true. I just let her think it's true," Jordan grumbles, shoving his hands in the pockets of his pants. He scuffs his brown oxford along the floor.

"Right." Lexie rolls her eyes again. The hand still clung to Alex's. Small, warm, and secure. Holding that hand made the connection he had always felt around her stronger, more intense.

"Lexie," Alex says softly. She looks up at him. She had his coloring, his smile, but the rest was Izzie. Looking at her hurt a bit. It also made him wonder what this new baby would look like. Another perfect mix? Most likely. He hoped so. There was something amazing about looking at bits and pieces of himself mixed with bits and pieces of the woman he loved. "I'm sorry. I never should have said the things I said. I didn't mean them. I need you to know that."

Lexie looks down at the floor, one pigtail falling over her shoulder. The lip chewing resumed. The hand holding his flexes a bit, as if she is unsure about keeping ahold. Finally, when the elevator doors open, she looks up at him. "It's okay. I sometimes say things I shouldn't either. Like when I said I was going to call you the sperm donor. Or when I said I didn't have a dad."

"That's just stupid say, Lex. Everyone's got a dad. Where do you think the sperm comes from," Jordan laughs, walking out of the elevator.

'So,' Alex thinks, 'that is where she is getting the education from. Might have to talk to O'Malley about that.' His brow wrinkles. It was first actual fatherly thought were Lexie was concerned. His first parenting decision. It felt nice. He squeezes the small hand. "So, no more saying things we don't mean?"

"No more saying things we don't mean," Lexie agees. Her eyes focus in on the double doors leading into the overly ornate lobby. He follows her gaze. Izzie. She had just stepped inside. It was clear she had just come from work. The burgandy boatnecked silk top and black trousers were dressier than her usual apparrel. "Mommy!" The hand breaks free of his, as Lexie runs forward to hug Izzie.

"Hey. You behaved, I trust?" Izzie brushes her bangs back, kissing her forehead. It was something he had seen her do quite a bit. It was probley their thing. Addison had had a thing were she stroked Kylie's nose. Thinking of Kylie made his heart ache a bit. The connection he felt, though, when Lexie looked back to smile at him eased it quite a bit.

"I always behave," Lexie exclaims. "Jordan didn't. He zapped Aunt Cristina. He would have zapped Daddy to but I stopped him."

Alex's heart skips a bit. She had called him daddy. God, it felt good hearing those words come from her. "Hey Iz." It was testing the waters. She had said hello yesterday. Then again, that was yesterday. Today might be diffrent.

"Alex," she says, almost sighing. She smooths Lexie's hair. "You ready to go?"

Lexie hesitates, looking back at Alex, then up at Izzie. "Do you think maybe I could go home with Dad for a while?" She looks back at him. "If that's okay?"

"That's up to your mother." His eyes meet Izzie's. She wanted to say no. It was there. He knew her, and she wanted to say no.

"Okay." She suprized him. It was hard to keep the suprize off his face. She looks at him. "She can't eat anything with peanuts in it. She's allergic to them. So, if you go out to eat, make sure you find out what they cook the food in. She isn't deathly allergic, but she does get a rather nasty rash. Learned that the hard way when she was three and had her first peanutbutter and jelly sandwhich."

"Now it's just the jelly," Lexie giggles.

"Don't let her talk you into giving her anything with caffeine. If you do, you will regret it. I won't have to yell or hurt you because her craziness will be punishment enough. Anything else? Oh! Make sure she does her homework, and please have her home no later than 9:30."

"No peanutbutter. No caffeine. Home by 9:30." Alex recites back, his heart pounding. She nods, then repeats the hair and kiss thing. She looks at Alex one last time before calling for Jordan. He watches her walk out, can hear her getting after George's son for shocking people then ask if Cristina yelped in the same breath. Jordan nodded, saying Cristina had shrieked like a girl.

"So..." He looks down at Lexie. "My place is kind of empty. Nothing fun there."

She shrugs. "That's okay. I'm good at makign things fun. Mom says I have a wild imagination. I live in my own little world most of the time."

Alex nods, smiling. There was so much of himself in her. It seemed he discovered another trait every minute. They might have missed out on alot of things, but never again. The promise he had made when he was younger, he was going to hold to that. Lexie would never have to doubt his love again.


	22. Absolutely Not

Chapter Two

Absolutely Not!

The red numbers on the alarm clock taunted her with the fact that it was 2 a.m. and she was still awake. Staring at the vaulted ceiling, Izzie let's out a resigned sigh. Usually, she had no problem falling asleep. As soon as her head hit the pillow, out she went. A habit she had picked up during her interning days. Tonight, for some reason, all she had done was toss and turn. Part of it was Lexie was gone. No, not part of it, all of it was because Lexie was gone. Her and Alex had finally finished her room at his apartment and she wanted to sleep there tonight. In her new full size bed. The house felt empty. It had never felt empty before. She had bought it when Lexie was four months old, and not once in nine years had it had ever felt empty. Until tonight.

Sighing, she rolls onto her size, tucking her hand under her cheek. 2:01 a.m. It would seem that time was going to creep by slowly. Closing her eyes, she tries to will herself to sleep. Her eyes drift back open as the phone on the night stand rings. Frowning, her heart pounding, she grabs it. 'Please don't let something have happened to Lexie,' she silently begs. The caller ID read Meredith's cell phone. "Meredith?" She sits up, pushing her hair off her face.

"Uh hey Iz," Meredith says after a moments pause. Her voice sounded distant, odd. "Are you busy?"

Izzie frowns. Was she busy? It was two o'clock in the morning. Why would she be busy? "No. Why? Is everything okay? Are you okay?" She knew Derek was out of town. A medical confrence. He hadn't been keen on going so close to her due date, but Meredith had assured him that this baby wouldn't be any diffrent than Eva. If she did go into labor, he would have plenty of time to get back. It wasn't like Portland was all that far. "Are you in labor?"

"Uh, yeah. I'm in labor. And...I don't think I can drive anymore. I tried to drive, only there was this red light, and I almost ran it, but hit my breaks instead. And, when I hit the breaks, my water broke." Meredith pants. In the background Eva could be heard, crying. "Plus, Eva's scared, because I'm scared...and...I don't think I can drive any further. And I am not having my baby alone in the parking lot of a convient store!"

It wasn't appropriate to laugh. Izzie knew that. She couldn't help the small giggle that escaped her lips. "Where are you?' She grabs a pen and note pad, jotting down the address Meredith rattled off. "I'll be right there! Don't move."

"Izzie! I'm in labor! Trust me, I'm not going to be moving anywhere on my own!" Meredith cries, the panic in her voice more apparrent.

It wasn't right, the relief she felt locking her house up and driving to some out of the way convient store to get a very much in labor Meredith. Anything was better than staying in that house alone. She had never felt so lonely in her entire life. So, having something constructive to do was making that feeling less noticable.

Meredith was exactly where she said she would be. The drive to the hospital was rather uneventful, outside Meredith and Eva's perfectly matched screams. Where Eva went once they arrived at the hospital, Izzie couldn't say. One minute the toddler had been screaming in her back seat, the next a nurse had a hold of her. Izzie was more concerned about Meredith, who kept screaming and crying. There were some not so nice things thrown in about Derek as well. Something about him being a bastard. Where that had come from, who knew.

"I need drugs, Izzie!" Meredith hissed, grabbing the neckline of Izzie's white t-shirt. She clenches the soft cotton in her fist. "I am not having this baby without drugs. And where the hell is Derek? He did this to me! He should be the one here...in pain!"

Peeling Meredith's fingers one by one from her shirt, Izzie sighs. "Meredith, you have to wait for the doctor before you can get any drugs. You know that. And Derek is on his way. You know that. You talked to him."

"You're a doctor, Izzie. You could get me the drugs!" Meredith pleads, clutching the sheet in her hands. She looks up as the door opens. "You? Absolutely not! No. No way in hell are you delivering my baby Alex Karev!"

Izzie frowns a bit. "You didn't tell me you were on call. Where's Lexie?" So help him if he had left her alone. She would kill him. It wouldn't matter one bit that he was the father of both her children. She would hurt him.

"Relax. She's playing with Eva and some nurse named Holly. Have they checked to see how far dialated she is?" Alex nods toward Meredith,.pulling a pair of latex gloves from the box on the wall.

"She was an eight not that long ago." Izzie says. It was a small comfort knowing Lexie was near. Perhaps, when Derek arrived, she could talk her baby into going home. The house was just too empty. It wouldn't feel right until Lexie was home.

"You...you are not checking me! No. I want someone else." Meredith grabs a blanket, pulling it over her bare legs. She looks at Izzie. "Izzie. Please. You can't let Alex...you just can't. If I had wanted him to know what I looked like down there I would have drank tequila with him and invited him home back in my whoring days!"

"Meredith, right now, I could care less what you looked like down there. My only concern is getting your baby here safely." Alex says, attempting to soothe her. He moves to take the blanket from her hands.

"No!" Meredith shriekds, clutching the blanket even tighter. "I want another doctor. I want Derek. I want drugs!"

"Mer, Derek is on his way. And, Alex can't give you anything unless he knows how far you have dialated. If you haven't progressed beyond the eight, then I'm sure he will prescribe something. You have to let him check,though." Izzie pries the blanket from Meredith. This wasn't easy for her either. Standing there, watching the father of her children, whom she still hated, kind of, examine one of her friends.

"This is humiliating," Meredith sobs. She lays her head back, gripping Izzie's hand. Izzie wines a bit as the grasp tightens from a firm grip to a death grip.

"I'm sorry, Meredith. I can't give you anything. You're at a ten. Next contraction, you can push. How long have been in labor?" Alex looks up at her, his gaze intent of Meredith's flushed face.

"How the hell should I know? I hurt. My back hurt. It always hurts though. And, you owe me drugs!" Meredith snaps, her eyes flashing her indignation.

"How so?" Alex raises an eyebrow, a bemused look on his face. It reminded Izzie so much of Lexie. How ironic that their daughter would be so much like him when she had spent most of her life seperated from him. She wonders, not for the first time, how much this new baby would be like him. If he or she was anything like their sister, alot, which would make it doubly painful. As horrible as it sounded, there were moments when Lexie looked so much like Alex is was painful to look at her.

"I just want the damn drugs!" Meredith screamed, her face turning an odd shade of red. The monitor showed her contractions peaking. As she started pushing, the door opens again. This time, it was a rumpled and stubbly Derek. ""You! You did this to me! You son of a bitch!"

"Ah. So, demonic Meredith has returned." Derek kisses her forehead. "Haven't seen you since Eva was born."

Izzie laughs, shaking her head. She pats Derek's shoulder. "Good luck. Might want to keep her from grabbing your hand. I think she broke mine." She glances toward Alex before walking out of the delivery room. When would it stop? When would she stop caring about him? Loving him? All he did was hurt her. She didn't want to hurt anymore. A tear trickles down her cheek as she walks away from the delivery room. She chuckles a bit when she hears Meredith scream at Derek again.


	23. Just Listen

Chapter Twenty-Four

Just Listen

Norman Rockwell couldn't have painted a more pictueresque scene. Meredith had been a bit disappointed when Alex had told her the baby was another little girl. The disappointment was short lived. The moment Derek had placed the screaming infant in her arms, Meredith's disappointment disappeared. She only had eyes for the little girl they named Anna Patricia Shepherd.

It was that scene that was burned in Alex's mind as he waits for the elevator. He had just enough time to grab a shower and change his clothes before heading into the office. He would have to call Lexie, try and figure out a time to make last night up to her. He wasn't suppose to be on call, but apparrently Dr. Harris, who was suppose to be, had a family emergency of her own to attend to. Alex was listed as the doctor to contact if any of her patients came through. It was compliment of sorts, he supposed. It was just, he had been looking forward to waking Lexie up, the two of them making breakfast, and then going shopping for Izzie's birthday gift. Yeah, he was low. Using the kid to weasle in on the mother's birthday. He was desperate though. Yawning, he rubs his hands over his face, relieved when the elevator opened. Stepping inside, he mutters an apology to a nurse who was exiting.

"How's Meredith?" The sound of Izzie's voice had a more awakening effect than any pot of coffee could. She was leaning against the side wall of the elevator, wearing navy blue scrubs. It was the first time he had seen her wearing the surgical attire of an attending., which was exactly what she was.

"Doing good. Had a healthy baby girl." Alex leans against the opposite wall, stuffing his hands into his pockets. They were facing each other, both looking weary. "Anna Patricia Shepherd. 11 pounds 14 ounces. 21 inches long."

Izzie winces. "Poor Meredith. No wonder she was screaming for drugs. Lexie was 7 pounds even and only 18 inches long, and I thought I would die from the pain. I can't imagine having a baby half grown. Although, it shouldn't suprize me. Eva was almost ten pounds and just as long." Raising a slender hand, she tucks a stray lock of hair that had escaped her braid behind her ear. "Kind of ironic, little bitty Meredith popping out half grown babies."

"Yeah. It is a bit ironic." The elevator falls silent and remains so until the doors open. Alex motions for her to exit first. She murmurs 'thank you' as she passes. He hesitates. "Izzie?" She turns around, looks at him. "Can we talk?"

"About what? Lexie? She isn't mad. She's use to me getting paged. I think she said something about asking you about this weekend." Izzie shifts around, licking her lips. It was clear she wasn't comfortable talking to him. He understood that. He had hurt her. Said things he shouldn't have, things he didn't even mean.

"I'm glad she understands, and this weekend would be great. That wasn't what I wanted to talk about though," he replies back, moving closer to where she stood. He could smell the subtle scent of her perfume. A hint of jasmin and something else.

"Oh. Okay. Well, then, what do you to talk about? The new baby? There really isn't much to tell. According to Dr. Harris everything looks normal. She scheduled an ultrasound for next month." She hesitates. "You can come. If you like. She's going to try and tell me the sex."

"I would love to go. Thank you for asking. That isn't what I was wanting to discuss either." Alex took a deep breath. This was harder than he thought. "I know you have no reason to trust me Izzie. I know I hurt you. I said things that weren't true and should never have been said. You have no idea how sick it makes me thinking about what I said to you. And how I wish I could take it back, but I know I can't. I know that saying I'm sorry doesn't cover it. I am sorry though. Sorrier than you will ever know. I have no right asking you for another chance. None. I have to, though. Not just because of Lexie or this new baby, but because I love you, and the thought of living the rest of my life without you scares the shit out of me."

"I can't do this," Izzie whisphers, her eyes blurring a bit as they fill with tears. She wipes at one that escapes her lashes. "I can't. I'm sorry. You have no idea how much I want to just...forget everything. To tell you how much I still love you. I can't though. All we do is hurt each other. We just keep hurting and hurting some more. That isn't fair to Lexie. It wouldn't be fair to this new baby either. Not to mention, it isn't fair to either one of us."

"Yeah, we've hurt each other," he agrees, "alot. That doesn't mean we have to keep hurting each other. We know where we messed up before. We just don't repeat the same mistakes."

Izzie shakes her head. "It isn't that easy Alex."

Alex frowns. "Yeah, Iz. It is that easy. If we both want it work bad enough, it is that easy." This was so damn hard. He didn't know the words to tell her. To make her understand how much she meant to him. She was looking down now, chewing her lip, the way Lexie did. It wasn't a bad sign, but it wasn't a good one either. "I love you Izzie. That is never going to change. I want us. I want us bad enough that I'm willing to do whatever it takes."

"Sometimes, cliche as it sounds, love isn't enough. We shouldn't have to make it work," Izzie cries. Her cheeks were flushed and damp with tears.

"Want to, not make. If we want it to work, it will. I want us to work, Izzie. Whether or not we do, that is up to you!"


	24. Epilouge

Epilouge

There is a diffrence. Between making something work and wanting it to work. When a person has to make themself do something, that something is set up for failure from the start. When a person wants something to work, there is no stopping them. They are commited. They know what they want. They know what they have to give, what they have to take, and how it's all worth it.

It was worth it, Izzie thought looking down at the serene face of her beautiful baby boy. Stroking his soft cheek, she rocks to and fro in the wooden rocker that graced the corner of the nursery. There was so much of Alex in him. Almost a perfect replica. They had named Brennan Matthew Karev. There had been none of the name changing hassle they had gone through with Lexie. Brennan had been born a Karev, and a Karev he would stay. The tiny baby stirs, making an almost squeaking sound. She smiles when he stretches his body out, flexing his hands and stiffening his feet. A sign that he wasn't really asleep, merely comfortable in his mother's arms. Two weeks old, and she already knew his routine.

The nursery door creaks open. She raises a finger to her lips. "Faking it?" Alex whisphers. She nods, a softer smiler forming as she looks up at Alex. The day he had told her it was up to her, she had almost said no. She had been close to telling him she couldn't do it. That he was wrong, it wasn't a matter of wanting it to work. Then, she had felt Brennan move. It had almost been like he was voicing his opinion in the matter. Which wasn't true. It was simply a coincidence that she felt him move for the first time in that exact moment. Her teeter tottering heart had took it for a sign, though. Any excuse to give herself permission to love Alex, to be with him.

"He's never going to actually go to bed if you don't put him in the bed, Iz." Alex squats down next to the rocker. He was just as guilty. Holding Brennan was so diffrent from holding Kylie. Perhaps because even then a small part of him had known she wasn't really his, just on loan for him to love. Brennan, though, there was no describing the amount of love that coursed through him when he held his son. Izzie's son. Their son.

"I can't help it. He's so beautiful," she bows her head, lifting one tiny hand. With her hair curtaing her face, she kisses the minature palm, relishing the sweet baby smell. She looks back up, smiling over at Alex. "We did good."

Alex chuckles, brushing some strands of hair from his wife's forhead. His wife, it was still awe inspiring to think of Izzie that way. She was though. His wife. For the last five months. "Yeah. We did good. Both times." He cups the back of her neck, drawing her face closer to his. Their mouths touch, soft and tender.


	25. Author Note

In several reviews there have been comments regarding my knowledge of ALL. Thank the Lord I have never had to go through the disease. I am blessed with a wonderful cousin named Robyn who is the best nuring student Texas has ever had! She rocks!

A little something on ALL...

**A**cute

**L**ymphocytic

**L**eukemia

Some signs and symptoms of ALL are pinpoint bruises, severe anemia, low Red Blood Cell and White Blood Cell count, as well as general bone marrow depression. The bruising is caused by low blood platelets.

Treatment of All includes taking a variety of medications, in addition to chemotherapy, bone marrow transplant, and sometimes, (although not often) radiation. In some cases autografting is an option. Autografting is where they use the patients own bonemarrow for transplanting. With ALL, not all of a person's bone marrow is affected.

ALL has a high survivor rate. There are some problems that can occur as result of ALL treatment, though. Such as noncancerous brain tumors and a bone density problems.

Disclaimer: There is more to ALL than this, and I don't claim that this information is 100 accurate.

On a diffrent note, if asked nicely I may be persuaded to tell Addison, Mark and Kylie's story.


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